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A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her:

- Now, do you remember what the plan is?

The blonde sighed and replied:

- Yeah, yeah, I remember...

The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff. Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out:

- Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!

The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car... and waited... and waited... and waited... and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out…

What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
→ They're both empty from the neck up!

One day, a blonde was left alone in a lab with a beetle. She examined it and decided to do an experiment. She pulled off one of its legs, then asked it to run. The beetle obeyed her command. Then, she pulled off a second leg and asked it to run. It did, but with a lot of difficulty. Finally, she pulled the remaining legs off and asked it to run. It couldn't.

- I have made a new discovery! - the blonde cried.

- When you pull all of a beetle's legs off, it becomes deaf!!

Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
→ Her boyfriend was also blonde.

A blonde girl just stepped into the bathtub when the doorbell rang.

- Who is it?

- Blind man - came the response.

Feeling charitable, the blonde dashed from the tub without bothering to put on any clothes, grabbed her purse, and opened the door. The man's jaw dropped and he stammered:

- Wh-where do you want me to put these blinds, lady?

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

A blonde and her husband are laying in bed watching TV, an old western is on. The husband says to his wife:

- I bet you breakfast in bed that the covered wagon hits a rock and the driver falls out dead,

- You're on - returned his wife.

They watch the western and sure enough the wagon hits a rock in the dirt road and the driver falls out of the wagon ... dead. The wife gets out of bed and returns shortly with a tray of food. After eating the husband says:

- I have to admit that I saw this movie before.

She in turn confesses:

- I saw the movie before too. But I didn't think he was stupid enough to ride over the same rock twice....

80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention". The leader says:

- We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her:

- What is 15 plus 15?

After 15 or 20 seconds she says:

- Eighteen!

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering:

- Give her another chance! Give her another chance!

The leader says:

Did you hear about the blonde coyote? She got stuck in a trap, chewed off three of her legs and was still stuck.

A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it.

- This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?

- That's easy! We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!

- Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile.

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture at the second blonde.

- This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?

- Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear! - said the second blonde, giggling and flipping her hair.

- What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear…

A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blonde guy turns to the girl and angrily says:

- Alright. Who's the other father!

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted:

- Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!

The shopkeeper said:

- By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing…

A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a beautiful blonde.

- I just got this amazing watch - he tells her. It can reads alpha waves, and can tell me what a person is thinking.

- What does it say about me? - asked the blonde.

- It says you want to sleep with me.

- Sorry - said the blonde - I think your watch is broken.

- Hmmm - said the man slowly examining the watch. It seems to be running an hour fast...

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the road and told the blonde to stand in the circle and not move. He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.

When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said:

- Oh, you think that's funny? Watch this.

He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing…

Did you hear about the blonde man that locked his keys in his car?
→ Took him an hour to get his family out w/ a coat hanger.

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

- You can't get out of your room? - the captain asked.

- Why not?

The stewardess replied:

- There are only three doors in here, - she sobbed.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. For years, they live there, and one day they find a magic lamp. They rub it, and sure enough, out comes a genie. The genie says:

- since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one.

So the brunette goes first:

- I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life - I just want to go home.

POOF, she is gone.

The redhead makes her wish:

- This place sucks, I want to go home too.

POOF, she is gone.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks:

- What is the matter?

Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said:

- It's part of my emergency repair kit.

Josh said:

- I can see that, but why?

Sally replied:

- In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires.

A blonde complained to her friend, "I can never trust my boyfriend. Why, he cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his!"

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves. They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one.

The two blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just didn't follow their commands. They became really frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion:

- Okay, we'll give him one more try. We'll throw him in the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking him back to the store!

A smart blonde and a dumb blonde both jump off a cliff at the same time. Who lands first?
→ The dumb blonde because smart blondes don't exist.

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics.

- So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying.

- Um ... 22.

The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.

- And can you tell us your height, please?

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces:

- Five foot two!

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics, something that she won't have to count, measure, or lookup.

A professor invented a lie detecting chair. Whenever anybody sitting in it told a lie, the chair would open up and dump the liar on the floor. During an experiment, a brunette sat in the chair and the professor asked her to tell about herself. She began:

- I think you are the best teacher I've ever had.

The chair immediately dumped her on the floor.

After the brunette left in a snit, a blonde sat in the chair. The professor asked her to tell something of her life. She began:

- I think -

The next thing she knew, she was sitting in the floor.

There's a brunette walking down a set of railroad tracks saying:

- 21, 21, 21...

Then a blonde pulls up, gets out of her car, and says:

- What are you doing?

The brunette replies:

- Just counting.

The blonde says:

- May I join you?

- Yes, - replies the brunette.

So the blonde and the brunette are now both walking down the railroad tracks saying:

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

- I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but…