Latest

How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
→ Fertilized.

Did you hear about the blonde who took a book out of the library called "How to Hug", only to discover that it was volume seven of the encyclopedia?

Three blondes are sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is sucking hers, one is biting hers, one is licking hers. Which one is married?
→ The one with the wedding ring, YOU SICK-O!

Why are there no ice cubes in the blonde's freezer?
→ She forgot the recipe.

What do you get when you put two blondes in the freezer?
→ Frosted flakes.

NEW INVENTIONS BY BLONDES:

- The water-proof towel

- Glow in the dark sunglasses

- Solar powered flashlight

- Submarine screen door

- A book on how to read

- Inflatable dart board

- A dictionary index

- Powdered water

- Pedal powered wheel chair

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor. While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.

When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said:

- This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important.

Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more, they had to know who they had found. They called the police and said:

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island. The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. So, instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island. The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

Why are the Japanese so smart?
→ They don't have any blondes.

A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is angry, She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells:

- No, honey, don't do it.

The blond replies:

- Shut up, you're next.

A blonde and a redhead were sitting together having drinks, when the blonde noticed a man walking towards them with an arm full of long stem red roses.

The blonde says to the redhead:

- isn't that your husband coming carrying all those roses?

The redhead says, yes it is.

The blonde responds by saying:

- Oh you are so lucky.

The redhead says:

- No I'm not. All that means is that I have to spend the whole week-end flat on my back, with my legs in the air and spread apart.

The blonde says:

- Oh my, don't you have a vase to put them in?

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs.

"No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"

- Me: Hey, Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?

- Donna: I dunno. How?

- Me: Tell her the same dumb blonde joke twice in a row.

- Me: Hey Donna, how do you make a blonde laugh twice in a row?

How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?
→ The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.

What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?
→ A rebel without a clue!

A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him:

- Don't waste your time on that one. She's a lesbian.

The blonde goes over to her anyway and says:

- So which part of Lesbia are you from?

A blonde went in the library and walked up to the librarian behind the desk and said:

- I would like a cheeseburger.

The librarian replied:

- Shh! This is a library!

The blonde blushed. oh, sorry.. then she whispered:

- I would like a cheeseburger.

Why can't the blonde put in a light bulb?
→ She kept breaking them with the hammer.

How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
→ "You can change those things?!"

How does a blonde change a lightbulb?
→ She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."

A blonde wanted to win the lotto so she prayed to god, and she lost. Next week she prayed to god again, and she lost. The week after she prayed to god, and she lost. She said to god, why wont you let me win?

God replied, How about buying a ticket first?

At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked:

- On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane,' did the defendant have sexual relations with you?

- Yes - whispered the girl, her head bowed.

- And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your knowledge, have a climax? - the lawyer continued.

- Oh no - she replied.

- I'm pretty sure... he had one of them fancy Mitsubishis.

Why did the blonde get fired from her job working at an M&M factory?
→ She kept throwing out all of the W's!

What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
→ You can park in handicapped zones.

Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
→ So she wouldn't wake up the Sleeping Pills.