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- The English language is not to be spoken.

- You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.

- You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.

- You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.

- It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.

- In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.

- Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.

- Kites may not be flown within the city limits.

- It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck.

- Spitting is forbidden.

- One man may not back into a parking spot becasue it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.

- Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.

- All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.

- Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.

- Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.

- State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.

- Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.

- A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age…

- If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.

- The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.

- Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.

- No one may catch fish with his bare hands.

- Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.

- It is illegal to spit on a sidewalk.

- All places of business must provide a horse water troft.

- No one may wear a bee in their hat.

- All cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the horses of their arrival.

- Musical car horns are banned.

- Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.

- Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.

- Signs are required to be written in English.

- You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words.

- No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.

- It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.

- All citizens must own a rake.

- Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.

- One man may not be on another man's back.

- Can't cut off a chicken's head on Sunday.

- Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.

- All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.

- Within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy any bird. (SEC. 10-1.2)

- Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.

- Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.

- You may not fish on a camel's back.

- Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back.

- A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face.

- A law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless some are exhibited to public view."

- No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored - nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits - nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436.600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.)

- It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without…

- It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.

- It is illegal to wear pants that are "firm fitting" around the waist.

- Getting married on a dare is grounds for an annulment.

- Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.

- It is considered an offense to shower naked.

- You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.

- It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road.

- Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.

- If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

- It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

- You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.

- Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

- It is illegal to skateboard without a license.

- It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.

- A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.

- Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.

- One-armed piano players must perform for free.

- Any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post in front of the building.

- The "Ice Cream Man" and his truck are banned.

- The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending a fire.

- Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants.

- Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.

Supplemental Rules for Bowling:

- If you holler "overs!" before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the "overs".

- When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the rule "First Team Through Bowling Wins the Game", and your team still has a chance.

- After a member of the opposing team bowls 4 strikes in a row, he/she must bowl the next 4 frames blindfolded. If he/she continues to strike, his/her shoelaces will be tied together for 2 frames.

- When you leave the 10-pin and you know you can't make the spare, but another member of your team can, invoke the "Designated…

A woman, while touring a small South American country, was shown a bullfight. The guide told her:

- This is our number one sport.

The horrified woman said:

- Isn't that revolting?

- No - the guide replied.

- revolting is our number two sport.

1. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the heck she is.
2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
3. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
4. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
5. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.

The other guy says:

- That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you.

The first guy responds:

- Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years.

A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret + blue carpet.

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out:

- Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup.

Snow White says:

- Well at least Dopey's alive!

How does Stan Collymore change a lightbulb?
→ He holds it in the air, and the world revolves around him

The Fire brigade phones George Graham in the early hours of Sunday morning.

- Mr Graham sir, White Hart Lane is on fire!

- The cups man! Save the cups! - cries George.

Can u believe what people do in the church these days? I was in the church listening to the priest's sermon when i saw a guy smoking cigarettes inside the church. I was so amazed that i didn't know when the bottle of beer i was holding fell on the floor.

It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.

As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in.

- No - replied the man on the roof.

- I have faith in the Lord the Lord will save me.

So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared.

- Climb in! - shouted a man in the boat.

- No - replied the man on the roof.

- I have faith in the Lord the Lord will save me.

So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to…

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say:

- Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!

The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl, and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed:

- Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?

- Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three…

You know you are in a Texas church when:

- People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.

- The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up.

- The restrooms are outside.

- Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

- A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

- When it rains, everyone is smiling.

- Prayers regarding the weather are standard practice.

- The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale".

- The pastor wears boots.

A rich American tourist was holidaying in Rome, and was intent on seeing the Pope. There he stood, in a big long line with a rather expensive suit on, hoping the Pope would notice how smart he was and perhaps talk a few words with him. As the Pope made his way slowly down the line, he walked right past the American, hardly even noticing him. The Pope then stopped next to a low-life sot, leaned over and whispered something in the sot's ear, and made his way on again. This really angered the American.

After speaking with the drunkard, the American agreed to pay $1000 dollars to exchange clothing, in the hope that the Pope would speak to him the next day.

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.

- Next Sunday - she said - we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the of Mark.

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said:

- Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the of Mark, please step to the front of the room.

About half the class rose and came forward.

- The rest of you may leave - said the teacher.

- these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no in the Book of Mark.

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy:

- You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in.

The guy thinks for a moment and says:

- Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were…

When I was young I used to pray for a bicycle. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bicycle and prayed for forgiveness.

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, not the original books. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies.

The head monk says:

- We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.

So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.

Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears a sobbing coming from the back of the…

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

- Come with me - said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.

- Wow, thank you - said the taxi driver.

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.

- Wait, I think you are a little mixed up - said the priest.

- Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.

- Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When…