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What do French pupils say after finishing their school dinners?
→ Mercy!

- Teacher: Can't you retain anything in your head overnight?

- Pupil: Of course, I've had this cold in my head for two days!

- Teacher: What can we do to stop polluting our waters?

- Pupil: Stop taking baths?

- Teacher: If you have five haystacks in one corner, five in another and two in another, how many would you have?

- Pupil: One big haystack!

- Teacher: Why are you reading the last pages of your history book first?

- Pupil: I want to know how it ends!

- Teacher: Why are you picking your nose in class?

- Pupil: My mother won't let me do it at home!

- Art Teacher: The picture of the horse is good, but where is the wagon?

- Pupil: The horse will draw it!

- Are you in the top half of your class?

- No, I'm one of the students who make the top half possible!

- Teacher: Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes.

- Pupil: We're not passing notes. We're playing cards!

- Teacher: This note from your father looks like your handwriting?

- Pupil: Well, yes, he borrowed my pen!

- Teacher: Tommy you try my patience!

- Tommy: No, teacher you had better try mine. There's more of it!

Where do children learn their ABC's?
→ At LMN-tary school!

- Teacher: What are you doing, crawling into school ten minutes late?

- Pupil: Well you told me never to walk into school ten minutes late!

- Teacher: In the exam you will be allowed 30 minutes for each question.

- Pupil: How long for the answer sir!

- Father: Well Son, how are your exam results?

- Son: They're under water

- Father: What do you mean?

- Son: Below "C" level!

- Teacher: Why are you the only child in the classroom today?

- Pupil: Because I was the only one who didn't have school dinners yesterday!

- Teacher: What is the most common phrase used in school?

- Pupil: I don't know

- Teacher: Correct!

- Teacher: The word politics - can you give me an example of how to use it?

- Pupil: My parrot swallowed a watch and now Polly ticks!

- Teacher: What is a comet?

- Pupil: A star with a tail

- Teacher: Can you name one?

- Pupil: Lassie!

- Teacher: If you had five apples on your desk and the boy next to you took three what would you have?

- Pupil: A fight!

- Teacher: Give me a sentence with the words defence, defeat and detail in it.

- Pupil: When a horse jumps over defence, defeat go before detail!

- Teacher: Billy, please don't whistle while studying.

- Billy: Oh, but I'm not studying - just whistling!

- Teacher: Make up a sentence using the word lettuce!

- Pupil: Let us out of school early!

- Teacher: What's happens to gold when it is exposed to the air?

- Pupil: It's stolen!

- Teacher: What are you reading?

- Pupil: I dunno!

- Teacher: But you're reading aloud!

- Pupil: But I'm not listening!