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- Teacher: Were you copying his sums?

- Pupil: No Sir, just seeing if he got mine right!

- Teacher: Tommy, put some more water in the fish tank!

- Pupil: Why, Miss, I only put some in yesterday and he hasn't drunk that yet!

The teacher was giving her pupils a quiz on counting. Jackie got things started by counting from 1 to 10. "Now, Fred," said the teacher, "you take over, beginning with 11."
"11, 14, 23, 42, 26," said Fred.
"What kind of counting is that?" asked the teacher
"Who's counting?" replied Fred. "I'm calling signals."

- If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left?

- I don't know.

- Why not?

- In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.

Jackie stood quietly as her father examined her report card.
"What is this 45 in math?" asked her father.
"I think that's the size of the class," she said quickly!

- If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?

- One dollar.

- You don't know your arithmetic.

- You don't know my father!

- Fred: I got 100 in school today.

- Mother: Wonderful. What did you get 100 in?

- Jason: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History.

- Mother: Well, at least you can add!

- How are you doing in arithmetic?

- I've learned to add up the zeros, but the numbers are still giving me trouble.

"Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days she asked us how much is two and two. We told her it was four. But she still doesn't know. Today she asked us again!"

- Teacher: If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have?

- Jackie: Nine.

- Teacher: That's not right, you'd have eight.

- Jackie: No, Teacher, I'd have nine. I already have one rabbit at home!

- Fred: I've added these figures ten times.

- Teacher: Good work!

- Fred: And here are my ten answers!

- Teacher: Jackie, take 932 from 1,439. What is the difference?

- Stella: That's what I say, what's the difference?

- Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be?

- Fred: None!

- Fred (surprised): Why not?

- Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!

- Teacher: Can you count to 10?

- Fred: Yes, teacher-one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

- Teacher: Now go on from there.

- Fred: Jack, Queen, King.

The teacher was reviewing counting with her first-grade class. "Jackie," she asked, "can you count to 10 without mistakes?"
"Yes," said Jackie, and she did.
"Now, Fred," said the teacher, "can you count from 10 to 20?"
"That depends," said Fred, "with or without mistakes"!

- Teacher: How much is half of 8

- Pupil: Up and down or across?

- Teacher: What do you mean?

- Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0

- Teacher: What's 2 and 2

- Pupil: 4

- Teacher: That's good

- Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!

- Teacher: Are you good at math?

- Pupil: Yes and no

- Teacher: What do you mean?

- Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!

- Teacher: Give me three reasons why the world is round

- Pupil: Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so!

- Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?

- Pupil: Because it can't sit down!

- Teacher: Where is the English Channel?

- Pupil: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up

Laugh and the class laughs with you.
But you get detention alone!

Playing truant from school is like a credit card
Fun now, pay later!

- Be sure that you go straight home after school

- I can't, I live just round the corner!

- The brain is a wonderful thing

- Why do you say that?

- Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class!