Latest

- Pupil: The art teacher doesn't like what I'm making?

- Dad: Why is that, what are you making?

- Pupil: Mistakes!

- Teacher: Fred, I'm glad to see your writing has improved.

- Pupil: Thank you

- Teacher: Now I can see how bad your spelling is though!

- Teacher: Name two pronouns?

- Pupil: Who?, me?

- Teacher: Why have you got cotton wool in your ears, do you have an infection?

- Pupil: Well you keep saying that things go in one ear and out the other so I am trying to keep them it all in!

- Teacher: Can you tell me something important that didn't exist 100 years ago?

- Pupil: Me!

- Teacher: In music, if "f" means "forte", what does "ff" mean?

- Pupil: Eighty

- Teacher: You seem very well read, have you read Shakespeare?

- Pupil: No

- Teacher: What have you read then?

- Pupil: Umm, I've got red hair!

- Teacher: In what part of the world are the people most ignorant?

- Pupil: Hong Kong

- Teacher: Why do you say that?

- Pupil: That's where the atlas says the population is most dense!

- Teacher: I wished you would pay a little attention

- Pupil: I'm paying as little as I can!

- Teacher: What's the longest word in the English language?

- Pupil: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters

- Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please?

- Pupil: There it is

- Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia?

- Pupil: Fred did!

- Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of

- Pupil: Life imprisonment!

- Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?

- Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines!

- Teacher: What is can't short for?

- Pupil: Cannot miss

- Teacher: and what is don't short for

- Pupil: Doughnut

- Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days?

- Pupil: All of them!

- Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze?

- Pupil: Hot water!

- Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions?

- Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here

- Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?

- Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday!

- Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year?

- Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!

- Mother: Does your teacher like you?

- Son: Like me, she loves me. Look at all those X's on my test paper!

- Mother: How do you like your new teacher?

- Son: I don't. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn't give me one!

- What time do you get up in the morning?

- About an hour and a half after I arrived at school

- Teacher: How can you make so many mistakes in just one day?

- Pupil: I get up early!

How do bees get to school?
→ By school buzz!

- Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class?

- Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!