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A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town and sees an Indian sitting on his porch. He figures he'll have a little fun...

- Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?

- Indian: Dog no talk.

- Cowboy: Hey dog, how's it going?

- Dog: Doin' alright.

Indian: shows extreme look of shock

- Cowboy: Is this Indian your owner? (pointing at Indian)

- Dog: Yep

- Cowboy: How does he treat you?

- Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.

- Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

- Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!

A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said:

- Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test.

- Oh, No! - she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.

- Who was God's son? - said Saint Peter.

The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said:

- Andy!

- That's interesting. . . What made you say that? - said Saint Peter.

Then She started to sing:

- Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me. . .

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks:

- Where did you get that?

→ The pig says:

- I won her in a raffle!

A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they just don't remember who with.

Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
→ The rest are hunt'n peckers.

What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
→ They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
→ An Italian suppository.

Sign on a brake repair shop in Joliet, Illinois:

- We stand in front of our work.

Sign on a muffler shop in Santa Cruz:

- We're the Nobody that Midas brags about.

What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
→ I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
→ Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.

What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
→ Marriage.

How is a blonde like a frying pan?
→ You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
→ "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
→ She has a checkbook.

How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
→ She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
→ So she can have a doggie bag for later.

Why do men like blonde jokes?
→ Because they can understand them.

Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
→ Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Having lawyers create laws is like have doctors create diseases!

- Knock Knock.

- Who's there?

- Stan.

- Stan who?

- Stan back or I'll be sick on your shoe!!!!

Your mama's teeth are so messed up....i thought her tongue was in jail!

What's the difference between a terrorist and a wife?
→ You can negotiate with the terrorist!

One day a man went hunting for ducks. When he was done he was going to his Chevy and he got a vist from The Game Warden.

The Warden said:

- Hey Sir, what ya huntin?

The man said:

- Ducks.

The Warden said:

- Did ya have any luck?

He said:

- Got 3.

The Warden said:

Jack was returning to work Monday morning with two black eyes. His work mates were understandably curious:

- Jack, what happened to you?!?

- It was the darndest thing! I was at church yesterday, and this fat lady stood up in front of me. You know how a dress can get stuck in the crack of the ass of a fat lady? It looked funny. I figured she wouldn't like that, so I just reached over and pulled it out with a little tug. Next thing I know, she spins around and socks me one!

- Jeez, you got TWO black eyes in one blow?

- Naw... After she turned back around, I figured she was angry that I pulled the dress out of her crack -- so I tried to poke it back in.

There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one of them $5000 and see how each of them spends it.

The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man:

- I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much.

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and stereo and gives them to the man. She says:

- I bought these gifts for you because I love you so much.

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 and reinvests the…