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Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
→ It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking was a television.

One day the big animals and the little animals decided to have a football game. As the first half went along, the big animals were scoring at will. Every time they got the ball they would run it in for a touchdown.

Then came the second half...

First play: The elephant runs the ball up the middle. WAP!! Tackled for a five yard loss.

The little animals go back to the huddle cheering and congratulating each other.

- Who made that tackle? - asked the ant.

- I did - said the centipede.

Second play: The rhinoceros runs the ball up the middle. WHOMP!! Tackled for another five yard loss.

Back in the huddle the flea asked:

- Who made that great stop?

- I did - said the centipede.

Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
→ Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
→ Frosted Flakes.

Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
→ So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
→ So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.

Your momma so stupid that when she goes on wheel of fortune she buys a seven!

Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
→ She kept having affairs with men!

Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
→ To cover up the valve stem.

What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
→ Spot.

What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
→ A Space Invader.

Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
→ They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI.

- Well, - says the personnel director, - You'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute.

Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute. - Also, - says the director, - You must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course.

This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.

- There's one last requirement, - the director continues; - you must be bilingual.

With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says:

- Meow!

How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
→ Tell them a joke on Friday night!

How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
→ She fell out of the tree.

Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
→ So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
→ So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

What do you call a smart blonde?
→ A golden retriever.
→ A labrador.
→ An indicator of a really bad hangover.

What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
→ A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

What did the blonde say to the physicist?
→ "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Why are blondes like corn flakes?
→ Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
→ Proof reading.

What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal?
→ One's a busy ditch.

What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
→ In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket cart?
→ The supermarket cart has a mind of its own.

What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
→ Your job still sucks after 6 months.

What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
→ The prostitute says:

- Aren't you done yet?

→ The nympho says:

- Are you done already?

→ The blonde says:

- Beige. . . I think I'll paint the ceiling beige.