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Where do Martians drink beer?
→ At a mars bar!

Two aliens landed in the remote countryside and went walking from the flying saucer along a narrow lane. The first thing they saw was a red pillar box.

"Take us to your leader," said the first alien.

"Don't waste time talking to him. Can't you see he's only a child?" said the second alien.

Two astronauts were in a space ship circling high above the earth. One had to go on a space walk while the other stayed inside.

When the space walker tried to get back inside the space ship, he discovered that the cabin door was locked, so he knocked.

There was no answer. He knocked again, louder this time. There was still no answer.

Finally he hammered at the door as hard as he could and heard a voice from inside the space ship saying, 'Who's there?'

Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long?
→ Because as soon as they start they get fired.

Why didn't the astronauts stay on the moon?
→ Because it was a full moon and there was no room.

Where do astronauts leave their spaceships?
→ At parking meteors.

Why did the boy become an astronaut?
→ Because he was told he was no earthly good.

- Teacher: What do you think astronauts wear to keep warm?

- Girl: Apollo neck jumpers?

Why don't astronauts get hungry after being blasted into space?
→ Because they've just had a big launch.

Why did the alien phone home on his mobile?
→ Because it was so ET!

What do you call an alien surfing the Internet?
→ e-t.

What do you call an alien starship that drips water?
→ A crying saucer.

What did the metric alien say?
→ Take me to your litre!

How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
→ They trod on his corn.

What did the alien say to the gas pump?
→ Don't you know its rude to stick your finger in your ear when I'm talking to you!

Two aliens from outer space landed in Las Vegas and were wandering around the casinos. One of them volunteered to go inside and see what was happening. He came out looking rather shocked.

"What's the matter?" asked his friend.

"It's a very popular place," replied the first alien.

"It's full of creatures that keep throwing up little metal discs."

Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
→ Because he thought his wife was a flake.

Which is harder to make? A blonde, brunette or a red-headed snowman?
→ A blonde, because you have to hollow out its head.

What happened when the icicle landed on the snowman's head?
→ It knocked him cold.

What does a snowman eat for dinner?
→ Ice-burgers.

What do snowmen call their offspring?
→ Chill-dren.

What did the snowman order at MacDonalds?
→ Icerbergers with chilli sauce!

Where do snowmen keep their money?
→ In a snowbank!

What two letters of the alphabet do snowmen prefer?
→ I.C.!

What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?
→ Frost bite!