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Two Poles, Markowski and Krachevski go to France on a pleasure trip. They meet this Frenchman called Jean Paul and become good pals. Jean Paul finds these two Poles some-what amusing and so he goes all out to make them happy. He treats them at pubs, bars, discotheques.

This goes on for a while until one fine day Jean Paul does not turn up. The Poles assume that some important work would have held him up and do not take a serious note of it. But, perhaps something was serious as Jean Paul does not turn up for next five days.

At this the Poles get alarmed and go to the police station to lodge a report. The inspector asks them to give details of the person who's missing. The following…

Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea when he died?

Five sailors died digging his grave.

A Polish man was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag. He ran into one of his friends, who asked:

- Hey! What do you have in the bag?

The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag.

His friend says:

- Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one.

The man says:

- I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them.

Who wears a dirty white robe and rides a pig?
→ Lawrence of Poland

Who wears a forest ranger's hat and carries a can of kerosene?
→ Stanislaus the Fire Prevention Bear of the Polish National Forest Service.

A Polak, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.

A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said:

- Hi there...what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?

The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that's why he was carrying the water.

Did you hear about the tragedy in Poland? In Poland's largest shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.

Did you hear about the Polish family that froze to death outside a theater?

They were waiting to see the movie "Closed for the Winter."

Two Polish truck drivers are barreling along when they come up to an overpass. A sign says, "Clearance: 11"2'." So they get out, measure their truck, and realize that it's 11"6'. So the first Polak looks at the second Polak and says, "I don't see any cops around....let's go for it!"

Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot:

- Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I`ve never seen one that short!

The copilot looked out the windshield:

- Wow! you`re right! That`s incredible! Are you sure we can make it?

- Well we better, we're almost out of fuel.

So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot`s…

Heard about the Polish hockey team?

They all drowned in spring training.

Hear what the Poles did with all their gold medals?

Went home and got them bronzed.

A Polak was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositiories. A week later the Pole complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results.

- Have you been taking them regulary? - the doctor asked.

- What do you think I've been doing, - the Pole said, - Shoving them up my ass?

Did you hear about the gay Polak?

He slept with women.

A Polak was jumped by two muggers and fought like hell, but was finally subdued.

His attackers then proceeded to go through his pockets.

- You mean you fought like that for 57 cents? - asked one of the muggers incredulously.

- Is that all you wanted? - moaned the Pole.

- I thought you were after the $400 in my shoe!

Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?
→ They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

What did the Polish mother say when her daughter announced that she was pregnant?
→

- Are you sure it's yours?

Two Polaks are walking down opposite sides of a river when they notice each other. One invites the other one over.

- I can't swim - he replies.

- Why don't you come over here?

The other guy says:

- I can't swim, either. What are we gonna do?

First guy says:

- Wait! I got a flashlight. I'll turn it on, and you walk across the beam to this side.

The second guy replies:

- No way! I'll get half-way across, and you'll turn the flashlight off!

How did the Polish mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on?
→ Yellow in the front, brown in the back!

Did you hear about the Polish girl who tried to trade her menstrual cycle in on a Honda?

Poland sent its top team of scientists to attend the international science convention, where all the countries of the world gathered to compare their scientific achievements and plans.

The scientists listened to the United States describe how they were another step closer to a cure for cancer, and the Russians were preparing a space ship to go to Saturn, and Germany was inventing a car that runs on water. Soon, it was the Polish scientists' turn to speak.

- Well, we are preparing a space ship to fly to the sun.

This, of course was met with much ridicule.

They were asked how they planned to deal with the sun's extreme heat.

- Simple, we're going at night!

What's delaying the hillbilly space program?
→ Development of a working match.

One afternoon, there was this good witch who was flying along, when all of a sudden, she heard this soft crying from down below. When she landed, she saw this yellow frog. Touched by his sadness, the witch asked why he was crying.

- Sniff. None of the other frogs will let me join in all their frog games. Boo hoo.

- Don't cry, little one. - replied the witch, and with a wave of her magic wand, the frog turned green. All happy now, the frog was checking himself over when he noticed that his penis was still yellow. He asked an embarrassed witch about this, and she told him that there were some things that she just couldn't do, but if he saw the wizard, he'd fix things up for him.

Gentlemen:
I have been riding trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.

Yours truly,
A Commuter

Dear Sir:
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.

Sincerely,
The Railroad

Gentlemen:
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you…

Quote from a recent meeting:

- We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done.

Quote from the Boss...:

- I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.

A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves.

A direct quote from the Boss:

- We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired.

My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory.

My Boss said to me:

- What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.