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What is the difference between a dog and a fox?
→ About 5 drinks.

Don't be sexist. Broads hate that!

Why do women pay so much attention to their appearance rather than to improving their minds?
→ Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

Why do women play with their hair at traffic lights?
→ Because they don't have any balls to scratch.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?
→ Because they don't have any balls to scratch.

Difference Between A Computer And A Woman:
→ A computer will not laugh at a three-and-a-half-inch floppy.

How can a woman tell if she is having a super orgasm?
→ Her husband wakes up.

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
→ He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

The guy next to us was listening for quite some time, when he finally came over to our table and said:

- I am Polish and I can take a Polish joke as well as the next Polack, but your continued bashing of my race is getting a little old. Could you please change the subject?

We did.

Shortly thereafter.....my friend had to to to the bathroom and the burly Polack got up and followed him into the bathroom.

They were in there for QUITE A WHILE and when they FINALLY came out, I asked my friend:

- What happened in there?

He said:

- Well, you saw him follow me into the can.......

- Well he pulled a RAZOR ON ME!

- Really scared the hell out of me! And boy oh boy would I have ever been in a pickle if he had…

Marriage for women has its ups and downs. How?
→ The toilet seat is up and the hubby's sex interest is down.

Why are some women beginning to like work better than sex?
→ More perks, and the payoff is better.

What is six inches long, two inches wide, has a head on it, and women are crazy for it?
→ Money!!!

What happens if a woman puts her panties on backwards?
→ She gets her ass chewed out.

Why does a woman close her eyes when she's having sex?
→ Because no woman ever wants to see a man enjoying himself!

How does the single woman get rid of roaches?
→ She asks them for a commitment.

What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?
→ Slap the bitch!

Why do women live longer than men?
→ Someone has to stick around and clean up after them.

Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable. - Ed Abbey
In everything but brains and brawn, women are vastly superior to men. - Ed Abbey
Girls, like flowers, bloom but once. But once is enough. - Edward Abbey
Women who love only women may have a good point. - Edward Abbey
Women: We cannot love them all. But we must try. - Edward Abbey
The feminists have a legitimate grievance. But so does everyone else. - Edward Abbey
Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. - Woody Allen
Woman: A creature whom a man can't get along with or without. Animal usually living in the vicinity of man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication…

- Don't worry. I've had a vasectomy/hysterectomy.

- I won't come in your mouth, I promise.

- I'm not really married.

- It's only a cold sore.

- Looks aren't important to me. I like you for your personality.

- Size isn't important.

- This won't hurt, I promise.

- We don't have to go all the way, we'll just lie here and hold each other.

- We'll always be together.

A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.

A Polak is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.

The dealer tells him:

- Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggrevation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day.

So the Polak takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw.

- How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords? - the Polak asks himself.

- I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day - the Polak…

You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there?
→ He's the one with a duck.

You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there?
→ He's the one with a duck.

How do you know if an Italian is there?
→ He bet on the duck.

How do you know if the Mafia is there?
→ The duck wins.

Why did the Polak put ice in his condom?
→ To keep the swelling down.

POLISH MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY FOR THE LAYMAN

• artery - the study of fine painting
• barium - what you do when the patient dies
• beneign - what you are after you are eight
• cesarean section - a district in Rome
• colic - a sheep dog
• congenital - friendly
• dilate - to live long
• fester - quicker
• G.I. series - baseball game between soldiers

Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy points to it and says:

- Mummy, what is that long thing?

His mother replies:

- That son, is the elephant's trunk.

- No, at the other end.

- That son is the tail.

- No, mummy, the thing under the elephant.

A short embarrassed silenced after which she replies:

- Thats nothing.

The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being satisfied with her answer asks his father the same question:

Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
→ Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin!