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Why do so many women fake orgasm?
→ Because so many men fake foreplay.

Why do men prefer blondes?
→ Men always like intellectual company.

Why are women so bad at mathematics?
→ Because men keep telling them that this...|<---------------------->| is 12 inches.

What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?
→ Most men have no trouble finding a bar.

What do you call a man with 90% of his intelligence gone?
→ Divorced

What is a more macho man?
→ At the critical moment when he can't get it up, he asks the woman:

- Does this happen to you often?

Why did the man cross the road?
→ Because his penis told him to.
→ Because he thought he could get laid if he did.
→ So the woman driving down the street could hit him. (You know us women, we just can't drive worth shit...)
→ Because another man dared him to and called him a pussy.

Why do men like frozen microwave dinners so much?
→ They like being able to both eat and make love in under 5 minutes.

What do men and women have in common?
→ They both distrust men.

How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
→ Guilt gifts are nicer.

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
→ His wife is good at picking out clothes!

How are men like UFOs?
→ You don't know where they come from, what their mission is, or what time they're going to take off.

How is a man like the weather?
→ Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
→ The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.

What is the difference between a man and childbirth?
→ One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.

What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
→ The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the 40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.

How are daughter's boyfriends like cockroaches?
→ They hang around the kitchen and it's hard to get rid of them!

How are men like diplomas?
→ You spend lots of time getting one, but once you have it, you don't know what to do with it.

What piece of furniture was named after the typical man?
→ The La-Z-Boy recliner.

If men had PMS, what would happen?
a) The federal government would allocate funds to study it.
b) Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanent disability.
c) There would be a federal holiday every 28 days.
d) All of the above.

Where do you have to go to find a man who is truly into commitment?
→ A mental hospital.

What has eight arms and an I.Q. of 60?
→ Four guys watching a football game.

What's a man's worst nightmare?

1. The Super Bowl is pre-empted by a soap opera.
2. His wife has amnesia and forgets how to cook so he has to.
3. A female boss.
4. He has to ask his wife for money.

How can you tell if a man's playing around?
→ He sends you love notes that are photocopied and begin with the line:

- To whom it may concern...

What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward?
→ It ends up in his mouth!