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What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
→ Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
→ E.T. phoned home.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
→ When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.

Why do men resist becoming fathers?
→ Because they aren't through yet being children.

What is the best way to get a man to do sit-ups?
→ Put the remote control between his toes.

How do men exercise at the beach?
→ By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How are men like noodles?
→ They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Why is it good that we now have female astronauts?
→ When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.

Do you know why the tribes of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years?
→ Because even then, men couldn't stop to ask directions.

Why do men like BMWs?
→ They can spell it.

What does a smart guy do in an M&M factory?
→ Proofread.

What do ceramic tile and men have in common?
→ If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them for life!

Why are men like paper cups?
→ They're dispensable.

What is the difference between men and pigs?
→ Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

How can you tell if a man is a WASP?
→ He gets out of the shower to pee.

What does a woman have to do to keep a man interested?
→ Wear perfume that smells like beer.

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
→ Men always miss them!

When a woman gets married, she wants the 3 S's: sensitivity, sincerity, and sharing. What does she get?
→ The 3 B's: burps, body odor, and beer breath.

Why did God create man?
→ Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

What did God say after he created man?
→ - I can do better than this and he made woman.

But the disruptions created in Adam's internals when God removed his rib were so great that it caused Adam's brain to sink down into his testicles.

And so one of Eve's first assignments was to explain to Adam the difference between his black and navy blue socks.

Why are men like commercials?
→ You can't believe a word they say.

Why are men like popcorn?
→ They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Why are men and spray paint alike?
→ One squeeze and they're all over you.

Why are men like blenders?
→ You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Why is food better than men?
→ Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds.