The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you're wanted on the phone, sir."
"What d'you mean, you think?" demanded the boss.
"Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said 'is that you, you old fool?'"
Why did Dr Frankenstein have his telephone cut off?
→ Because he wanted to win the Nobel prize!
- Who was that on the phone, Fred?
- Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia, so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down!
Why did the alien phone home on his mobile?
→ Because it was so ET!
- Willie: I have an awful toothache.
- Tommie: I'd have it taken out if it was mine.
- Willie: Yes, if it was yours, I would, too.
Why didn't the monster use toothpaste?
→ Because he said his teeth weren't loose.
How can you get a set of teeth put in for free?
→ Smack a monster.
Why is a toothless dog like a tree?
→ It has more bark than bite.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
→ They all come out at night.
- Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?...
- Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it.
Beatrice Lillie (Lady Peel) was once accosted by a haughty old dowager who scrutinized her through her lorgnettes.
"What lovely pearls, dear Beatrice," she maliciously remarked. "Are they real?"
"Yes," nodded Lady Peel.
"Of course," the dowager declared, "you can always tell real pearls by biting them. May I try?"
"Gladly," Lady Peel replied. "But remember, Duchess, you can't tell real pearls with false teeth."
How does Snoop Dogg keep his canine teeth white?
→ BLEEEEEE-YATCH!
What did the tooth say to the dentist?
→ "Fill 'er up!"
What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
→ "Thar's gold in them thar fills."
What has teeth but no mouth?
→ A comb or a saw.
Why is 4,840 square yards like a bad tooth?
→ Because it is an acre.
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.
"Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.
The man then said, "I have another pair - try these."
The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair. Try them."
The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."
With that he ate his meal and gave his speech.
What happened when a man fell in love with a grand piano?
→ He said, "Darling, you've got lovely teeth."
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
→ Hard cheese.
What do you get it you cross a porcupine with a giraffe?
→ A long necked toothbrush.
What's the difference between a vampire with toothache and a rainstorm?
→ One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.
What comes out at night and goes Munch, munch, ouch!
→ A vampire with a rotten tooth.
Why did the termite eat a sofa and two chairs?
→ It had a suite tooth.
"Your teeth are like the stars," he said,
As he pressed her hand, so white.
He spoke the truth, for, like the stars,
Her teeth came out at night!
- What sort of an act do you do?
- I bend over backwards and pick up a handkerchief with my teeth.
- Anything else?
- Then I bend over backwards and pick up my teeth.
