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What question must always be answered, "Yes"?
→ "What does Y-E-S spell?"

What insect can be spelled with just one letter?
→ Bee.

Can you spell eighty in two letters?
→ A-T.

What ten letter word starts with g-a-s?
→ Automobile.

Spell "pound" in two letters.
→ Lb.

Can you read the following? Yy u r yy u b I c u r yy 4 me.
→ Too wise you are, too wise you be, I see you are too wise for me.

Luke had it first, Paul had it lost; boys never had it; girls have it but once; Miss Polly had it twice in the same place, but when she married Peter Jones she never had it again. What is it?
→ The letter L.

A group of Texas A&M Aggies and a group of Harvard students had been deadlocked in a spelling bee for an entire week. At the end of the contest the score was tied and the judges had a dilemma. They told the contestants that each group was to quickly come up with a poem using the word 'Timbuktu.' Well the Aggies started laughing the minute the word was uttered but Harvard just smiled and prepared their short rhyme. One Harvard student stood up and for his group recited 'Through the desert all night we ride on camels walking two by two, Destination Timbuktu.' Well the crowd politely applauded - they knew the Aggies couldnt beat that and the Aggies just continued laughing throughout the whole…

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

"Mah son's real smart!" crowed the redneck mother to an acquaintance. "He's only six but he can already spell his name backwards and forwards!"

"What's his name?" asked the friend.

"Bob."

- Interviewer: How do you spell Mississippi?

- Redneck: Which one? The river or the state?

A Hoosier, a Kentuckian and a West Virginian were on a Hollywood TV quiz show. The host asked them to complete the sentence: "Old MacDonald had a ..."

The Indianan said, "Old MacDonald had a carburetor."
"Sorry," said the MC. "That's incorrect."
"Old MacDonald had a flat tire," said the Kentuckian.
"Wrong," said the host.
"Old MacDonald had a farm," said the West Virginian.
"That's correct!" shouted the MC. "Now for $200,000, spell farm."

The West Virginian thought hard and then spelled carefully:

"E-I-E-I-O."

Early Texas governors were not very well educated. There was once a chief executive who thought "grammar" was his father's mother.

On one occasion this governor went hunting and forgot his gun. He phoned his secretary and asked him to send the gun.

"The phone connection's bad," said the secretary. "I couldn't catch that last word. Spell it."

The governor replied, "'G' like in Jesus; 'U' like in onion; 'N' like in pneumonia GUN, you damn fool!"

"I gotta 'A' in spelling," Tony told his father.
"You dope!" he replied. "There isn't any 'A' in 'spelling'!"

- Daughter: I will never learn to spell.

- Mother: Why?

- Daughter: The teacher keeps changing the words.

Bob and Tom both like to golf. One day Bob went to Tom and said, "Hey look at this great ball!" Tom replied, "What's so great about it?" Bob said, "Well if you lose it, it will beep until you find it, and if it goes into the water it will float. This ball is impossible to lose!" "Wow!" said Tom, "Where did you get that from?" Bob replied, "I found it."

What did the football say to the football player?
→ I get a kick out of you.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
→ A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!

Did you hear about the underwater snooker player?
→ He was a pool shark!

How many Man U. fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ One to change the lightbulb, and one to drive down to Kent to pick him/her up.

What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?
→ One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!

What is the difference between Liverpool football and a tea bag?
→ The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

What stories are told by basketball players?
→ Tall stories!

What is a runner's favourite subject in school?
→ Jog-raphy!

Why do artists never win when they play football?
→ They keep drawing!