Latest

How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake?
→ It has a rattle.

- Knock knock.

- Who's there?

- Baby Owl.

- Baby Owl who?

- Baby Owl see you later, baby not.

What was the policeman's baby's first words?
→ Hallo, Hallo, Hallo!

Did you hear about the witch who had the ugliest baby in the world?
→ She didn't push the pram - she pulled it.

What does a baby computer call his father?
→ Data.

- Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet.

- Andy: Did she lose weight?

- Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!

- Tom: What did the banana say to the elephant?

- Nick: I don't know.

- Tom: Nothing. Bananas can't talk.

Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.

How do you catch King Kong?
→ Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.

Why are bananas never lonely?
→ Because they hang around in bunches.

A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom:

- Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth flight, Now sit back and relax. - OH MY GOD!

Silence

Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said:

- Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!

A passenger in Coach said:

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new airplane in the living room. She heard her son said:

- All of you sons of bitches get the hell off the plane now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the plane, cause we're going to take-off now.

The mother went in and told her son:

- We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your plane, but I want you to use nice language.

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his plane…

Ever wonder why they never show the film ALIVE in-flight?...... It's not because of the film's content, it's because the people in the film are eating better than the people on board.

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant:

- What was the problem?

- The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine - explained the flight attendant - and it took us a while to find a new pilot.

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.

A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.

The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest.

About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit…

- First apple: You look down in the dumps. What's eating you?

- Second apple: Worms, I think.

What lives in apples and is an avid reader?
→ A bookworm!

Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple?
→ Because everyone had to go in pairs!

What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple?
→ Worm your way out of that one, then!

The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once a woman began screaming:

- You've got to help me! There's a giant gray thing in my yard, and it's pulling apples off the tree with its tail!

- What's he doing with the apples? - the sergeant asked.

- If I told you - the woman cried - you wouldn't believe me!

What do you call an ant who can't play the piano?
→ Discordant!

What do you call an ant with frogs legs?
→ An antphibian!

Who is the most famous French ant?
→ Napoleant!

Why did the ant-elope?
→ Nobody gnu!

Why don't anteaters get sick?
→ Because they are full of antibodies!