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Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
→ They taste funny.

Why did the bat miss the bus?
→ Because he hung around for too long.

What did the bus conductor say to the frog?
→ Hop on.

- Bus passenger: I'd like a ticket to New York, please.

- Ticket seller: By Buffalo?

- Bus passenger: Of course not, I'm in the bus queue, aren't I?

How do eels get around the seabed?
→ They go by octobus.

- Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver.

- Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.

Do they really serve burgers in Transylvania?
→ Very rare-ly.

Do hamburgers make good vampires?
→ No, because they always find themselves in ghoulash situations!

Can you name two burgers who are royalty?
→ Sir Loin and Burger King!

Can a hamburger marry a hot dog?
→ Only if they have a very frank relationship!

Are hamburgers male?
→ Yes, because they're boygers, not girlgers!

- Dan: My little brother is a real pain.

- Nan: Things could be worse.

- Dan: How?

- Nan: He could be twins!

- Peter: My brother wants to work badly!

- Anita: As I remember, he usually does!

- First Boy: Why is your brother always flying off the handle?

- Second Boy: Because he's got a screw loose!

A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day.

- Well - said the Scout.

- Mum had only one dose of castor oil left, so I let my baby brother have it.

- So you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?

- Yes - their dog is our dog's brother.

The Long Walk Home by Miss D. Buss

The Punished Schoolboy by Major Bumsaw

The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen

Aches and Pains by Arthur Ritis

How to Feed Elephants by P. Nutts

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin:

- For best results, put on two coats.

A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked:

- Where did you get that?

The pig replied:

- I won her in a raffle!

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

- Six please - she said.

- I could never eat twelve!

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

- I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but…