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Where did the Easter Bunny go to college?
→ Johns Hopkins!

What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with a famous French general?
→ Napoleon Bunnyparte!

What is the Easter Bunny's favourite state capital?
→ Albunny, New York!

Why did the internit paint his computer screen in little black and white squares?
→ He wanted to check his e-mail.

Why do church bells never send e-mails?
→ They'd rather give each other a ring.

Why didn't the internit get any e-mail?
→ Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.

Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange?
→ Because the lime was engaged.

Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC?
→ Because it was on old croc.

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager:

- Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?

- Yep, that's him - he replied.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused.

- That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?

- Because - the owner replied

- before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.

A man and his dog went into a pub. The barman said:

- Sorry mate no dogs allowed in here!

The dog said:

- Oh please don't be like that, I'm trained and I won't cause any trouble!

The bar man was astonished at the talking dog and sat and chatted with the dog and it's owner.

After a while the owner went to the toilet and the barman saw his chance for a prank. He said to the dog:

- Would you do me a favor as a wind up, will you go down to my friends bakers shop and order a loaf of bread??

- Sure! - Replied the dog.

The bar man gave the dog a fiver and the dog left.

When the owner came out of the toilet he went into a panic when he saw his dog had gone. The barman said:

A man is walking down the street when he hears a voice:

- Pssst you come over here!

He looks round and can see no one but an old mangy greyhound.

- yes over here! - Said the greyhound

- Look at me I'm tied up here, I should be racing I won 14 races in my carrer you know?

The man thought to himself:

- Oh my god a talking dog, I have to have it, it will make me rich, tv appearances cabaret bookings

So he goes in search of the owner.

He found the owner and said:

- I'd like to buy your dog, is he for sale??

A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded. One day a woman knocked at his door. "Is that your big dog outside?" Wondering how she had got past him he said "Yes why?" She said I'm sorry but my dog just killed him!" "What??" Roared the man "What kind of dog have you got??" "A Peke" Replied the woman. "A Peke??? how could that little thing kill my big fine guard dog?" "I think it got stuck in his throat!" Replied the woman.

A man took his dog to the vets and asked the vet to completely remove the dogs tail. The vet confused said "Why do you want me to do that? the dogs tail is perfectly healthy." The man replied "Well the wifes mother comes this weekend and I want to make sure there are no signs of any welcome!!"

- Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses

- You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!

- Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.

- Are you choking?

- No, I really did!

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated:

- I'm afraid we're going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.

- Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.

Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois?
→ The first offense they give you Bears tickets and the second offense they make you use them.

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.

- You aren't so good in bed either! - he shouted and stormed off to work.

By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.

- What took you so long to answer?

- I was in bed.

- What were you doing in bed this late?

- Getting a second opinion.

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of the divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said:

- I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month.

To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied:

- That's mighty kind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too.

Regardless of what you may hear, there's still many women these days who are excellent "housekeepers". Seems each time they get a divorce, they keep the house.

Two men are talking. The first sez:

- I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes.

- Amazing - said the second

- I just got divorced for the very same reasons.

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked:

- What are the grounds for your divorce?

She replied:

- About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.

- No - he said

- I mean what is the foundation of this case?

- It is made of concrete, brick and mortar - she responded.

- I mean - he continued

- What are your relations like?

- I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents.

What's the ultimate rejection?
→ When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

What's the speed limit of sex?
→ 68; at 69 you have to turn around.