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- Do you want some help using the Internet, son?

- No thanks, Dad, I can muck it up all by myself.

- Can you show me how to use the Internet?

- I'd better - otherwise you'll just go round and round in circles.

What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address?
→ Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.

How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Exactly five hundred.

1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.

7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently or to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

21 to flame the spell checkers.

49 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.

20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.

What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
→ A URLologist.

What do bees do if they want to use public transport ?
→ Wait at a buzz stop !

Where would you put an injured insect ?
→ In an antbulance !

What does a queen bee do when she burps?
→ Issues a royal pardon !

What is a bee's favourite classical music composer ?
→ Bee-thoven !

What goes hum-choo, hum choo?
→ A bee with a cold !

She's so stupid she thinks a shoplifter is a very strong person who goes round picking up shops.

Did you hear about the hillbilly who went into the hardware store to buy a chain saw ?
He said I want one that will cut down at least 10 trees a day.
He was back at the hardware store with the saw a couple days later complaining that it only cut one tree and that took all day.
The clerk at the hardware store started the saw to see what the problem was.
The hillbilly jumped back and said what the hell is that noise?

I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at it cause it was prettier than most.
The clerk said:

- It's made in Germany.

I said:

- That's too bad, I can't use it then.

The clerk said:

- What's the matter? You don't like German pens?

I said:

- No. I just never learned to write German.

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other:

- Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?

- I don't know - responded the other.

- I'll ask him.

So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss:

- Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?

- Intelligence - the boss said.

- What do you mean, intelligence'?

The boss said:

- Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can.

Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.

- I have an idea - said Mike.

- We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder.

- What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light.

- What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there.

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.

The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.

Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside:

- You skin this one while I go and get another!

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked:

- when did you bag him?

The host said:

- that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife.

- What's he stuffed with - asked the visiting hunter.

- My wife.

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said:

- The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind.

They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they…

Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says:

- Did you see that?

- No - the second guy says.

- Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead - the first guy says.

- Oh - says the second guy.

A couple of minutes later, The first guy says:

- Did you see that?

- See what? - the second guy asks.

- Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there.

- Oh.

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued…

Big Louie the Torpedo was becoming increasingly curious about one of the newer members of his mob, Benny the Rod. Benny had been in the business for many years in another part of the country. During that time he had garnered quite a reputation for being the most conscientious and honorable hit man available. He was also considered quite eccentric, perhaps odd, in that for the last ten years or so he always kept one hand in his pocket - clutching his cold steel weapon in readiness (hence the nickname, Benny the Rod).

When Benny arrived at Louie's office, the question was put to him:

- So what's the story with you and this here gun of yours, eh? Like, are you scared or somethin' or you just…

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said:

- Watson, look up. What do you see?

- Well, I see thousands of stars.

- And what does that mean to you?

- Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?

- To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.

There was a guy walking down the street in San Francisco, and he tripped over an old looking oil lamp.

He picked it up and hid it under his jacket, because he thought it was priceless.

While he was running to the antique shop to cash this puppy in, it rubbed against his shirt.

POOF! A genie popped out of his pocket!

The very angry looking Genie said:

- All right, I have had enough with this three wish stuff, and 'cuz you stole me away from my HBO Special, I will only give you one wish!

The surprised man said:

- OK, I want to live in Hawaii in a huge condo on the beach with three million dollars in the master bedroom, but I am afraid of boats and planes so I want you to build a bridge from here to…

Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air.

He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he walked, he came upon a hole.
Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound.
So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound.

The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound.

He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole. He listened, but there was no sound.

How do you get pikachu on to a boat?
→ You pokemon