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- First witch: Here's a banana if you can spell it.

- Second witch: I can spell banana. I just don't know when to stop.

- How do you spell wrong?

- R?o?n?g.

- That's wrong.

- That's what you asked for, isn't it?

- School Doctor: Have you ever had trouble with appendicitis?

- Fred: Only when I tried to spell it.

- Please, ma'am! How do you spell ichael?

The teacher was rather bewildered.

- Don't you mean Michael? - she asked.

- No, ma'am. I've written the 'M' already.

Where do football directors go when they are fed up?
→ The bored room!

Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?
→ It was a cup draw!

Why did the chicken get sent off?
→ For persistent fowl play!

How did the basketball court get wet?
→ The players dribbled all over it!

Where do religious school children practice sports?
→ In the prayground!

A woman at a gas station noticed a spaceship landing in front of her. An alien stepped out of the spaceship and started to pump gas into it. The woman noticed the letters "U.F.O." printed on the side of the ship. She turned to the alien and asked:

- Does U.F.O. stand for Unidentified Flying Object?

The alien answered:

- No, it stands for Unleaded Fuel Only!

What do you get if you cross an alien and a hot drink?
→ Gravi-tea!

President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."

What do you call an overweight ET?
→ An extra cholesterol!

What do you call an alien starship that drips water?
→ A crying saucer!

Where do Snowmen go to dance?
→ To snowballs.

What do Snowmen call their offspring?
→ Chill-dren.

What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib?
→ A snowmobile!

What do you get if you cross King Kong with a snowman?
→ Frostbite.

What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?
→ Have an ice day!

What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
→ Wait until he's finished.

What do you get if you cross a snake with a hotdog?
→ A fangfurther.

What kind of snake is good at math?
→ An adder.

A old snake goes to see his Doctor.

- Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days

The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says:

- What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?

- The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!

There where two snakes talking.

The 1st one said:

- Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?

Then the second Snake says:

- Why do you ask?

The 1st one replies:

- I just bit my lip!

- Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?

- Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!