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Why was there a bug in the computer?
→ It was looking for a byte to eat.

What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
→ It slipped a disk.

What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard?
→ The space bar.

- Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?

- Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.

- What sort of trouble?

- Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.

- Went away?

- They disappeared.

- Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?

- Nothing.

- Nothing?

- It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.

If Microsoft built cars you would need to restart your car, then it would perform illegal operations and crash.

A tech support employee once received a call from a disgruntled lady who had purchase one of their PCs:

- The cup holder on my computer broke! I just got some coffee and put it in the cup holder and then it broke, and the coffee spilled all over me! I want a replacement!

The employee was a little confused and didn't know what to say. He finally asked her to describe the cup holder to him...he'd never heard of his company selling in-computer cup holders.

So the lady went on to describe the cup holder to him:

- Well, it pops out of the little box when I push a button, and it has 40x written on it...

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying:

- Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!

He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him:

- You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?

- I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling.

- Okay, truck drivers are not nerds - he says and serves him a beer.

As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away…

What do you get if you cross a constable with a computer?
→ PC Plod.

Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?
→ Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605.

What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?
→ "Life is like a box of chocolates..." (Source: F. Gump of Intel)

Complete the following word analogy:

Add is to Subtract as Multiply is to: 1) Divide 2) ROUND 3) RANDOM 4) On a Pentium, all of the above
→ Number 4.

What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium?
→ Successive approximations.

What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums?
→ The warning label.

What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant?
→ A mad scientist.

How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says:

- You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees.

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says:

- You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others:

- Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?

- This little computer, will do half of your job for you. - said the sales clerk.

Studying the machine, the senior VP said:

- Fine, I'll take two.

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion:

- Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work !?

After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded:

- I see you have an Aptiva desktop unit.

Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right.

The caller responded:

- Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe.

A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer--the one that was supposed to do everything short of bringing on world peace - was doing nothing, cried out for help. No problem, the IBM technician said. First, open a "window" to launch a specific program. The conversation continued, and the caller asked a few moments later if it might be all right to close the window. Why, the IBM technician asked. Because, the caller responded, it was getting very chilly.

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

- I know, Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way…

- Tech Support: Which format are the images you send?

- Customer: Rectangular, 15x11 centimeters.

- Customer: It says I've performed an illegal operation and will be shut down. Have I done something wrong?

- Customer: Why didn't you tell me I have call waiting?

- Tech Support: Sir, we have no way of knowing if you have call waiting.

- Customer: Well, you should ask everybody!

- Tech Support: Do you have call waiting?

- Customer: What's that?

- Customer: Wait, that password looks really gray. I'm going to type it in again.