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Which kind of ink do you put in your computer's printer?

- Black, Red or Iced?

- Iced Ink?

- Well, yes you do, but I didn't want to mention it.

Which football team to you need to connect up your computer?
→ Leeds.

Where is the best place to buy computer software?
→ Washington C.D

Where does an elephant carry its laptop?
→ In its trunk.

When do computers go to sleep?
→ When it's internight.

What's the difference between your finger and a hammer?

- I don't know!

- Well, you're not using my computer keyboard then!

What do you get if you take your computer to an ice rink?
→ A slipped disk.

What do you get if you stuff your computer's disk drive with herbs?
→ A thyme machine.

What do you get if you cross a computer with a hamburger?
→ A big mac.

What do you get if you cross a computer with a ballet dancer?
→ The Netcracker suite.

What do you do if your computer hums?
→ Tell it to change its socsks!

What do computer experts do at weekends?
→ Go for a disk drive.

What did the mouse say to the webcam?
→ Cheese.

What did one mouse say to the other mouse?
→ I get a click out of you.

What did one keyboard say to the other keyboard?
→ Sorry, you're not my type.

- Want to buy a pocket computer?

- No, thanks, I already know how many pockets I've got.

- This computer you charged me L950 for doesn't work....and you said it would be trouble free.

- It is, I charged you L950 for the computer, but you're getting all that trouble absolutely free!

- Teacher: Shall I put the school computer on?

- Pupil: No, Miss, the dress you're wearing looks fine.

- Teacher: Look at the state of the school computer. I want that screen cleaned so I can see my face in it!

- Pupil: But then it will crack and we won't be able to use it at all.

- Pupil: In other schools, pupils get a choice of computers to use.

- Teacher: You get a choice her, too. Use the one we've got or don't use any at all.

- Mum, Mum, Dad's broken my computer!

- How did he do that?

- I dropped it on his head.

- I've been sitting at this computer for hours and I haven't seen a single website.

- That's because you're supposed to sit facing the screen.

- I've been on my computer all night!

- Don't you think you'd be more comfortable on a bed like everyone else?

How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out?
→ Hide their trainers.

- Helpline? I've just pushed a piece of bacon into my disk drive!

- Has the computer stopped working?

- No, but there's a lot of crackling.