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Why wouldn't the vampire eat his soup?
→ It clotted.

Why is Hollywood full of vampires?
→ They need someone to play the bit parts.

What is the first thing that vampires learn at school?
→ The alphabat.

Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing?
→ He could really get into the vaultz.

When do vampires bite you?
→ On Wincedays.

Which vampire tried to eat James Bond?
→ Ghouldfinger.

Which vampire ate the three bears' porridge?
→ Ghouldilocks.

Who plays center forward for the vampire football team?
→ The ghoulscorer.

Why did the vampire take up acting?
→ It was in his blood.

What do vampire footballers have at half-time?
→ Blood oranges.

What do vampires cross the sea in?
→ Blood vessels.

What happened to the two mad vampires?
→ They both went a little batty.

When is the best time to go shopping?
→ When the stores are open.

What time is it when your watchdog lets a robber take the family silver?
→ Time to get a new watchdog.

What time is it when five dogs are chasing a cat down the street?
→ Five after one.

What dog can tell the time?
→ A watch dog!

A man with one watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watches is never sure.

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

"That is the talking clock," the man replied.

"How's it work?" the friend asked.

"Watch," the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It's two AM!"

- 1st Roman Soldier: What is the time?

- 2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII!

Do you know the time?
→ No, we haven't met yet!

Why is the time in the USA behind that of England?
→ Because England was discovered before the USA!

One day a man met three beggars. To the first he gave a dime, to the second a dime, and to the third a nickel. What time was it?
→ A quarter to three.

Why did the man put a clock under his desk?
→ He wanted to work overtime.

What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?
→ Time to get it fixed.

Why did the kid put his clock in the oven?
→ He wanted to have a hot time.