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What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot with a vampire?
→ It bit his neck, sucked his blood and said, "Who's a pretty boy then?"

What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?
→ Coffin medicine.

What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day?
→ A coffin break.

Why does Dracula always travel with his coffin?
→ Because his life is at stake.

How does a vampire enter his house?
→ Through the bat flap.

How do you join a Vampire Fan Club?
→ Send your name, address and blood group.

What's a vampire's favorite hobby?
→ In-grave-ing.

Why was the vampire thought of as simple-minded?
→ Because he was a complete sucker.

What do you call a vampire after it is one-year-old?
→ A two-year-old vampire.

Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes?
→ They looked both ways before they crossed.

Two men were having a drink together.
One said, "I'd rather live with a vampire than with my wife."
"Why's that?" asked the other.
"Because she's always trying to bite my head off," he replied.

Did you hear about the vampire who got married?
→ He proposed to his girl-fiend.

Did you hear about the vampire who died of a broken heart?
→ He had loved in vein.

Why do vampires hate arguments?
→ Because they make themselves cross.

What is a vampire's favorite sport?
→ Batminton.

What do you call a vampire junkie?
→ Count Drugula.

What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower?
→ A bat mat.

When do clocks die?
→ When their time is up.

If your watch is broken, why can't you go fishing?
→ Because you don't have the time.

Why do people beat their clocks?
→ To kill time.

Why couldn't the clock be kept in jail?
→ Because time was always running out.

Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around?
→ Because time will tell.

How does a vampire clean his house?
→ With a victim cleaner.

What is the vampire's favorite slogan?
→ Please Give Blood Generously.

Why was the young vampire a failure?
→ Because he fainted at the sight of blood.