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What's pink, lives in a sty and drinks blood?
→ A hampire.

Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin?
→ It wanted to play squash.

Did you hear about the vampire who joined an orchestra?
→ He stood on the roof and conducted lightning.

Where is Dracula's American office?
→ The Vampire State Building.

What's it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight?
→ Necking.

Why did the vampire go to hospital?
→ He wanted his ghoulstones removed.

- Doctor, doctor, I think I've been bitten by a vampire.

- Drink this glass of water.

- Will it make me better?

- No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.

What has webbed feet and fangs?
→ Count Quackula.

How does a vampire get through life with only one fang?
→ He has to grin and bare it.

How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice?
→ They use extractor fangs.

What is the American national day for vampires?
→ Fangsgiving Day.

Where did vampires go to first in America?
→ New-fang-land.

What do you think of Dracula films?
→ Fangtastic!

When he's out driving, where does Dracula like to stop and eat?
→ The Happy Biter.

Why did Dracula miss lunch?
→ Because he didn't fancy the stake.

What do you get if you cross Dracula with a snail?
→ The world's slowest vampire.

What is Dracula's favorite pudding?
→ Leeches and scream.

Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist?
→ He wanted to improve his bite.

Did you know that Dracula wants to become a comedian?
→ He's looking for a crypt writer.

What does Dracula say when you tell him a new fact?
→ Well, fangcy that!

How does Dracula keep fit?
→ He plays batminton.

What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he leaves for work in the evening?
→ Have a nice bite!

What do you get if you cross Dracula with Al Capone?
→ A fangster.

How does Dracula like to have his food served?
→ In bite-sized pieces.

Why does Dracula have no friends?
→ Because he's a pain in the neck.