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A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender replies:

- Sorry, we don't serve food here.

A cowboy walks in to a bar and says:

- I want a beer.

So after he drank his beer he was about to leave then he noticed that his horse was gone.

He shouted:

- if i dont get my horse back after this beer i am gonna have to do what i did in Georgia.

So he finished his beer and he saw his horse was back so he got on and rode a little, then the bartender asked out the window what did you have in Georgia? i had to walk home.

There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. After he didn't move for a half-an-hour, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down.

The poor man started crying. The truck driver turned and said:

- Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying.

- No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me.

When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return…

A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey:

- If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.

But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.

A man is in a bar having a drink. The guy next to him falls off of his barstool. The man picks up the guy and sits him back on the barstool, and he falls off again. This time he picks the guy up and asks:

- Where do you live?

Being a kind soul, the man takes the guy to his car, puts him in the back seat, and drives him home. When they get to the guy's house, the man helps the guy out of the car, but he falls down 3 times before getting to the front door. The man rings the doorbell and the guy's wife comes to the door. The man says:

- Hello, I've brought your husband home.

The wife looks at the man and asks:

- Where's his wheel chair?

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Baby!

- Baby who?

- Baby love, my baby love....!

What do you get if you cross a baby with soldiers?
→ Infantry!

What do you get if you cross a mountain and a baby?
→ A cry for Alp!

How does a baby ghost cry?
→ "Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!"

Why does a mother carry her baby?
→ The baby can't carry the mother.

I got a letter from my sister.
She just had a baby. But she didn't say whether it's a boy or girl.
So I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt.

Why do we dress baby girls in pink and baby boys in blue?
→ Because they can't dress themselves.

Little Johnny's next door neighbors had a baby.

Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears.

When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.

He said:

- Now, son... that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home.

- I promise not to mention his ears at all - said Little Johnny.

A family of ducks were walking down the road when an 18-wheeler ran over all but 1 baby. Farther down the road a family of skunks were walking the other way when the same 18-wheeler ran over all but one baby. The duck and the skunk finally met each other and the duck said, "Excuse me, my mom died down the road. Would you tell me what I am?" "Well", said the skunk "You have webbed feet, a beak, and feathers. You must be a duck." "Thanks" said the duck; then the skunk said, "My mom died down the road too, will you tell me what I am?" "Well", said the duck, "Your black, your white, & your mom's dead, you must be O.J.'s kid"

What's pink and red and can't turn round in a corridor?
→ A baby with a javellin through its head.

What's brown and in a baby's diaper?
→ Michael Jackson's hand!!

Where does a white baby go when it dies?
→ Heaven

What does it get?
→ Wings

What does it become?
→ An angel

Where does a black baby go when it dies?
→ Heaven

What does it get?
→ Wings

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks:

- Dad, am I pure polar bear? - The dad replies - Sure you are son. I'm all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.

Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks:

- Mom, am I pure polar bear? - She answers - Of course you are honey. I'm all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear.

Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks:

- Grandmom... Grandpop... am I all polar bear? - His grandmother answers - Of course you are sweetie. We're all polar bear, your mother is all polar…

Dewey and Odell met on the Brownsville main street.

- Say - said Dewey - Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin' ta night school ta take Spanish lessons. How cum?

- Uh huh - answered Odell - We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old enough ta talk!

How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None, They don't make Pampers small enough.

- Mother: Why is there a strange baby in the crib?

- Daughter: You told me to change the baby.

What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies quiet?
→ Egyptian dummies.

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said:

- My wife was reading a 'Tale of Two Cities' and she gave birth to twins.

- That's funny - the second man remarked - my wife was reading 'The Three Musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets.

The third man shouted:

- Good God, I have to rush home!

When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed:

- When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!!!

- Mum, is it true my baby sister came from Heaven?

- Yes, that's right.

- Well, I don't blame God for chucking her out.

Why did the baby monster put his father in the freezer?
→ Because he wanted frozen pop.