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Did you hear about the dancer's birthday?
→ It was a tappy one!

- I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you.

- A 'surprised' birthday party? What's that?

- That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!

Why won't anyone eat the dogs birthday cake?
→ Because he always slobbers out the candles!

Did you hear about the tree's birthday?
→ It was a sappy one!

- My birthday's coming. Do you know what I need?

- Yeah, but how do you wrap a life?

Did you hear about the flag's birthday?
→ It was a Happy one!

- Did you go shopping for my birthday present?

- Yeah, and I found the perfect thing.

- What thing is that?

- Nothing!

- Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.

- Next time, take off the candles.

What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?
→ "Happy Birthday To Gnu!"

What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?
→ I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!

Why did the boy put candles on the toilet?
→ He wanted to have a birthday potty!

- I guess I didn't get my birthday wish.

- How do you know?

- You're still here!

Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
→ In a cat-alogue!

Why did Davy Crockett always wear a coonskin cap?
→ It was a birthday present from his wife!

Why couldn't prehistoric man send birthday cards?
→ The stamps kept falling off the rocks!

What did one candle say to the other?
→ "Don't birthdays burn you up?"

Why did you hit your birthday cake with a hammer?
→ Because you said it was pound cake!

How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday?
→ He has a whale of a party!

What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?
→ "Hi, Buster."

What is your favourite type of birthday present?
→ Another present!

It was Grandpa Jones' 100th birthday and he was still in perfect health. At his birthday party he was asked how he managed to live so long and stay so fit.

He explained:

- I put my long life down to spending so much time out of doors. I've been in the open air, day after day, rain or shine, for the last 75th years.

- How do you manage to keep up such a rigorous fitness regime? - we asked.

- It's simple - he said.

- When I married my wife 75 years ago, we both made solemn pledge on our wedding night. We agreed that whenever we ever had a fight, whoever was proved wrong would go outside and take long walk.

Joe was sitting at a bar. He was totally depressed. The bartender, serving him a drink, asked what was wrong.

- I'll never understand women - said Joe.

- The other night on my birthday, my wife said as my gift, I could do with her what I wanted.

- Wow! That's quite some gift - said the bartender.

- So why are you so dejected?

- Well I thought about it for a while - said Joe,

- and decided to send her home to her mother, and now she won't even speak to me!

"Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade."

"I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'"

A St. Louis mother telephoned the capital building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the game warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice finally said:

- Hello.

- Are you the game warden? - she asked.

- Yes.

- Finally Ah've got the right person! - she said.

- Could yaw'l gimme some help with my son's birthday party?