A blind rabbit and a blind snake ran into each other on the road one day. The snake reached out, touched the rabbit and said:
- You're soft and fuzzy and have floppy ears. You must be a rabbit.
The rabbit reached out, touched the snake and said:
- You're slimy, beady-eyed and low to the ground. You must be a math teacher.
Where do blind sparrows go for treatment?
→ The Birds Eye counter!
How did a blind woman pierce her ear?
→ Answering the stapler.
There were those three guys, a priest, a doctor and an engineer, and they were playing golf. But the group before them was extremely slow and at each hole they waited hours.
Finally the priest asked around, why was that other group was so slow? He was told that they were very courageous firemen who saved the golf course a couple of years ago from a terrible fire, in which they all lost their sight. As a proof of appreciation they were given the right to play on the course whenever they wanted. They like that a lot, but being blind they are just not too good at hitting the ball, let alone finding it after it's hit.
The priest said:
- Oh my this is terrible. Tonight I'll say a little prayer for…
Did you hear about the blind porcupine?
→ He fell in love with a pincushion!
Two blind man at a cinema:
- Can you see something?
- No.
- Then let's go in front!
A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game". They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer:
- We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it. They're pretty good at it too.
- Very clever! - remarks the other patron.
Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says:
- Hey! Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from the bus?
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was…
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
How do you make a Venetian blind?
→ Poke him in the eye
A blind man was waiting to cross the road when a dog stopped and cocked its leg against him. The blind man felt in his pocket for a sweet, bent down, and offered it to the dog. A passerby remarked what a very kind act that was considering what the dog had done.
- Not at all - said the blind man. I only wanted to find out which end to kick.
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.
What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison?
→ One can't see to go, the other can't go to sea.
Why are bats blind?
→ Well, your eyesight wouldn't be too good if you hung upside down all day would it?
What do you call a blind German?
→ A Not See (Nazi)
How did a blind man drive his car?
→ One hand on the wheel; the other on the road.
Why was a blind man's leg wet?
→ Her dog was blind too.
How did a blind man meet his wife?
→ On a blind date!
What did a blind boy's parents do to punish him?
→ Rearranged the furniture
How did a blind man get poke marks on his face?
→ Learning to eat with a fork.
How did a blind girl burn her fingers?
→ Reading the waffle iron
How did a blind woman drive herself crazy?
→ Trying to read a stucco wall.
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled:
- Pull, Nellie, pull!
Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered:
- Pull, Buster, pull!
Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded:
- Pull, Coco, pull!
Nothing.
The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man.
The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. He turned very quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw it to the ground with a bump that left it breathless.
- Aidan - said the neighbor - I never knew you were so strong.
- Faith, and if I could have got that fella off the handlebars of the bicycle I'd have thrashed him properly.
A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower.
- There is a blind man to see you - she says.
- Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in.
The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts:
- That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?
