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- What sort of a car has your dad got?

- I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T.

- Really - Ours only starts with gas.

What should a teacher take if he's run down?
→ The number of the car that hit him.

If you watch the way that many motorists drive you will soon reach the conclusion that the most dangerous part of a car is the nut behind the wheel.

Why did the car judder to a stop when it saw a ghost?
→ It had a nervous breakdown.

What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
→ It gets toad away.

Two wizards in a car were driving along and the police were chasing them for speeding.

One said:

- What are we going to do?

The other replied:

- Quick, turn the car into a side street.

What is the meaning of afford?
→ It's the car most sales representatives drive.

My dad is stupid.
He thinks a fjord is a Norwegian motor car.

What car do insects drive?
→ A Volkswagen automobile.

How do you stop a dog howling in the back of a car?
→ Put him in the front.

Auntie Maud bought herself a new rear-engine European car. She took an old friend for a drive, but after only half a mile the car broke down.

Both women got out and opened up the front of the car.

- Oh, Maud, you've lost your engine! - said her friend.

- Never mind, dear, I've got a spare one in the trunk. - said auntie.

What do you get if you cross a Rolls Royce with a vampire?
→ A monster that attacks expensive cars and sucks out their gas tanks.

What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad?
→ One trains the mind, the other minds the train.

Why did the stupid racing car driver make ten pit stops during the Grand Prix?
→ He was asking for directions.

What do you call a witch who drives really badly?
→ A road hag.

Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains?
→ He had to keep track of everything!

- Monster: I've got to walk 25 miles home.

- Ghost: Why don't you take a train.

- Monster: I did once, but my mother made me give it back.

Why do you have to wait so long for a ghost train to come along?
→ They only run a skeleton service.

Where do ghost trains stop?
→ At devil crossings.

What is evil and ugly and goes at 125 mph?
→ A witch in a high speed train.

What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers?
→ Oh good! A chew chew train!

What's black and white and red all over?
→ A nun in a car accident.

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register.

- Cash or charge? - the clerk asked.

- Cash - I snapped.

Then, apologizing for my rudeness, I explained:

- I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau.

- Shall I giftwrap the bat? - the clerk asked sweetly.

- Or are you going back there?

One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

He said:

- I did that by accident.

She replied:

- I know that, daddy.

He replied:

- How'd you know?

The girl said:

- Because you didn't say 'ASSHOLE!' afterwards!

What do you say to a one legged hitch-hiker?
→ Hop in.