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How does a leopard change its spots?
→ When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another!

What do you call a show full of lions?
→ The mane event!

Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station?
→ Because it's a 'mane-lion' station!

What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane?
→ A dandy lion!

Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.
They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them.
The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.

The second hiker says, "What are you doing?"

The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll have to jump down and make a run for it."

The second says, "Are you crazy? Don't you know you can't outrun a bear?"

The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!"

There's a guy who's hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree.
The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away.

So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he's brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn't reach him.
Eventually, the bears went away.

Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.

Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.

What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
→ Winnie the Pooh!

What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?
→ Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin!

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
→ A bear faced lyre!

What do polar bears have for lunch?
→ Ice burger!

How do you start a teddy bear race?
→ Ready, teddy, go!

Why do polo bears like bald men?
→ Because they have a great, white, bear place!

What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle?
→ A polo bear!

Why was the little bear so spoiled?
→ Because its mother panda'd to its every whim!

What is a bear's favourite drink?
→ Koka-Koala!

What's a teddy bears favourite pasta?
→ Tagliateddy!

Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet?
→ It lives on ice!

How do you hire a teddy bear?
→ Put him on stilts!

What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
→ A teddy boar!

Why do bears have fur coats?
→ Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!

A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion.
The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There," says the vet, "Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head.
"It's definitely dead sir", says the vet.
Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be…

What kind of money do polar bears use?
→ Ice lolly!

What should you call a bald teddy?
→ Fred bear!

What's a pet's favorite day?
→ Saint Petrick's Day

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
→ They couldn't get the moose in the oven!