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Someone bought Scrooge a clock for Christmas. He put it straight in the bank.
Why did he do that?
→ He was trying to save time!

- Elf: My favourite film is about the man who casts spells in the middle of a swamp.

- Father Christmas: That's called 'The Wizard of Ooze'!

- Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story?

- Elf: The one where the three creatures are scared of the Big Bad Wolf and they grow on trees!

- Father Christmas: You mean 'The Three Little Figs'.

- Father Christmas: I like the story about the girl who steals from the rich and gives it all to Granny.

- Elf: That's Little Red Robin Hood'!

- Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story?

- Elf: The one about the ghost that steals porridge!

- Father Christmas: You mean 'Ghoul-di-locks'!

- Father Christmas: All right, my good lady, my face is my ticket.

- Box office attendant: Then you'd better watch out... there's a feller inside who has the job of punching the tickets.

- Father Christmas: Excuse me, but did I step on your toes on my way out to get an ice-cream?

- Lady: You certainly did!

- Father Christmas: Oh good! That means I'm back in the right row!

What's a ghosts favourite Christmas entertainment?
→ A phantomime!

What song do Father Christmas' gnomes sing to him when he comes home cold on Christmas night?
→ Freeze a jolly good fellow!

- Father Christmas: How do I stop a Christmas Gnome being airsick on the sledge?

- Gnome: Put a five pound note between his teeth and stick his head over the side of the sledge.

What do gnomes fear most about Christmas?
→ They're afraid Father Christmas will give them the sack!

I wouldn't say that Christmas gnomes are cross-eyed, but when they cry the tears run down their back!

I wouldn't say Christmas gnomes are ugly, But if beauty's skin deep then they were was born inside out!

I wouldn't say Christmas gnomes are small.
But they used to be lumberjacks on a mushroom farm!

- My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me something for it!

- Doctor: Try this medicine...and if it doesn't work come back and bring me a new video camera.

- Doctor, Doctor I'm scared of Father Christmas

- Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.

- Doctor, Doctor, with all the excitement of Christmas I can't sleep.

- Try lying on the edge of your bed...you'll soon drop off!

- Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a Christmas bell!

- Just take these pills - and, if they don't work, give me a ring!

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?
→ He had no body to go with!

What did Dracula say at the Christmas party?
→ Fancy a bite?

Did you hear about Dracula's Christmas party?
→ It was a scream!

How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party?
→ Chick to chick!

Why couldn't the butterfly go to the Christmas ball?
→ It was a moth ball!

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down?
→ Stacks!

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
→ Black mail!