A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?" "Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."
What gas do snails prefer?
→ Shell.
How do snails get their shells all shiny?
→ They use snail polish.
What do you do when two snails have a fight?
→ Leave them to slug it out.
What did one slug say to another who had hit him and rushed off?
→ I'll get you next slime!
What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast?
→ How slime flies!
What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line?
→ A drip dry skunk.
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river.
The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle.
"Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe.
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?"
So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned.
"I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts."
And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
What is the best advice to give a worm?
→ Sleep late.
How do you weigh a whale?
→ On Whale Weigh Scales.
Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere?
→ Yak the Ripper
What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man?
→ Tarzan stripes forever.
What's black and white and makes a lot of noise?
→ A zebra with a set of drums.
What do you get if you cross a hedgehog with a giraffe?
→ A long necked toothbrush!
- What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas' sleigh and is made of cement?
- I don't know.
- A reindeer!
- What about the cement?
- I just threw that in to make it hard.
What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other?
→ Isaiah!
What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball?
→ They're both brown, except the snowball.
How would you get four reindeer in a car?
→ Two in the front and two in the back!
And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
→ Take the reindeer out first
Why is a reindeer like a gossip?
→ Because they are both tail bearers!
What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
→ This one will sleigh you!
A skunk family had two little skunks they called In and Out. One day little In disappeared. Mother Skunk, Father Skunk and young Out spent hours looking for him, getting more worried all the time.
In the end the parents went home to have a cup of tea, but Out said he'd continue searching for a while.
Half an hour later he returned home, with a tired In following behind him.
'However did you find him?' asked Father Skunk.
'In-stinct,' replied Out.
What did one skunk say to another?
→ And so do you!
What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson?
→ He stank to the bottom of the pool!
