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How do you get a blonde off of your knees?
→ Come.

How do you know a blonde likes you?
→ She screws you two nights in a row.

Why don't blondes like anal sex?
→ They don't like their brains being screwed with.

How do you get a blonde pregnant?
→ Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Why are blondes like pianos?
→ When they aren't upright, they're grand.

Why do blondes like tilt steering????
→ More head room

Why did god give blonde's 2 more brain cells than he gave cows?
→ So they wouldn't shit all over when you played with their tits.

While participating is the Olympics a young gymnast had her first sexual experience, going to bed with a stunning foreign participant. Upon returning to her hometown, she promptly went to confession. After receiving absolution, the gymnast was so delighted that she did cartwheels down the aisle to the door. Waiting her turn, Old Mrs. Ole said to her friend, "can you believe what Father Johnson is giving for penance? Of all the days for me not to be wearing panties."

A dentist friend of mine had a T-shirt which said on the front: Let me put my tool in your mouth... and on the back: ...and I will fill your cavity.

This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a tooth." The woman then says: "Ooooohhhh, I'd rather have a baby!" To which the dentist replies: "Make up your mind, I have to adjust the chair."

Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist.

As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch.
The dentist says:

- Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates.

The woman replies:

- Yes. Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we.

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.

Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously:

- What are you lining up for, dear?

Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

- Mmm, sounds lovely - said Grandma.

An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist:

- Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and gold Rolex.

A ninety-year-old man was accused of raping a twenty-year-old.

- So, did you do it? - his lawyer asked.

- Of course not - the old man replied.

- But I was so flattered, I pleaded guilty.

This old lady was complaining to her friend about a little problem she had with vaginal itch. Her friend suggested that maybe she had an STD. The old lady replied "that's impossible because I am a virgin". To solve the problem the old lady went to the doctor for check up. After the exam the doctor said: "I have good news and bad news, the good news is that you are clean of all STD'S. The bad news is that you have fruit flies because your cherry is rotten"

A little old lady shaking violently as she walks in to the pharmacy asks the salesperson "do you sell vibrators". Surprised by the request, the sales person says yes! The little old lady says: "Well, how do you turn the damn things off!"

A guy waiting at the bus stop wearing chains, leather jaket, and leather pants and his hair in long spikes each a different color. An old man at the bus stop looked and looked at the guy, finally, the guy said to the old man: "haven't you ever done anything crazy and wild in your life" and the old man said "yah, I have, I once made it with a peacock and I was wondering if your my son"

An elderly man visits his doctor.

- Doctor, I would like you to examine me to see if I am sexually fit.

- Very well, let me see your sex organs, please.

The aged patient replied o.k. And stuck out his index finger and his tongue.

A man walks into a tattoo parlor and says he would like a $100 dollar bill on his dick.
Well the tattoo artist laughs and says:

- I'll do it for free if you can give me one good reason for it.

The guy thinks for a second and says:

- Well one, I like to keep my money in my pants, two I like to watch my money grow, and three I want to see how fast my wife can blow a $100.

There were these three little old ladies sitting on a park bench minding their own business when suddenly a flasher jumped in front of them and exposed himself...the first old lady had a stroke...the second old lady had a stroke...but sadly the third old lady couldn't reach!!!

These two old men are in a nursing home.
They're talking and realize that it's been years since they have had sex. So they sneak out and go to the closest whorehouse. Once inside they go to the Pimp and ask for the two best girls. The Pimp thought:

- I'm not going to waste my two best girls on these guys I'll just give them inflatable women.

- They are old and they won't know the difference.

Once the old men finish they leave. On their way back they start talking. The first guy said:

- I think mine was dead she didn't move or anything.

The second guy said:

- I think mine was a witch because when I nibbled on her neck she farted and flew out the window.

In a nursing home, there is this old woman named Gladys who likes to walk around and flash people. She walks up to a nun, opens her robe and yells:

- Super Pussy!

The nun says:

- Gladys, you know you're not supposed to do that. Now go back to your room.

Gladys starts walking back and sees the minister. She walks up to him, opens her robe and yells:

- Super Pussy!

The minister is shocked and tells her to go back to her room. As she continues, she sees an old man lying on the bed. She walks in, flashes him, and yells:

- Super Pussy!

The man slowly turns his head and says:

- Thanks, I think I'll have the soup.

Retired gentlemen went to apply for social security.
After waiting in line for quite a long time, he arrives at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he has left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he seemed to have left his wallet at home:

- will I have to go home and come back now? - he ask.

The woman says:

- unbutton your shirt.

he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says:

- that silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me - as she processes his social security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about this experience at social security…

An old couple in an old folks home are having an affair, nothing much they just sit watching TV late at night while the old woman holds the old mans dick. Then suddenly the old man ends the affair because of another woman. The old woman's distraught and yells, "WHAT'S THIS OTHER WOMAN GOT THAT I HAVEN'T!" The old man smiles and says, "Parkinson's disease"

An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man.

- What are you doing - he shouted.

To which his wife said to her lover:

- See, I told you he was stupid

A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Charlie! I'm paralyzed! I can't get up!" He comes in, takes a look, and says, "Stand up, you silly old bat. You're kneeling on one of your tits."