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Why does a d dog scratch himself?
→ He is the only one that knows where it itches.

Why do dogs turn around three times before lying down?
→ One good turn deserves another.

Why didn't the dog play cards on his ocean cruise?
→ Because the captain stood on the deck.

Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children a dachshund?
→ He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.

Why did the dog's owner think his dog was a great mathematician?
→ When he asked the dog what six minus six was, the dog said nothing.

Why did the dog sleep so poorly?
→ By mistake he plugged his electric blanket into the toaster and kept popping out of bed all night!

Why did the dog say he was an actor?
→ His leg was in a cast.

Why did the dog run in circles?
→ He was a watchdog and needed winding.

Why did the dog mistake the dog catcher for a grape?
→ He was colour-blind.

Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head?
→ The tomato was in a can.

Which dog tastes better when eaten?
→ A hot dog.

Which dog looks like a cat?
→ A police dog in disguise.

Which dog is always without a tail?
→ A hot dog.

Which dog eats with its tail?
→ All dogs keep their tails on when eating.

Which dog can tell time?
→ A watchdog.

Where do you usually find dogs?
→ It all depends on where you lose them.

When you catch your dog eating a dictionary, what should you do?
→ Take the words right out of his mouth.

When is a dog most impolite?
→ When he points.

What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a dog?
→ A hen that lays pooched eggs.

What would you call a nine day old dog in Russia?
→ A puppy.

What was the dog doing on the turnpike?
→ About seven miles an hour.

What should you know before you teach your dog a new trick?
→ You should know more than your dog.

What should you do if you see a vicious dog?
→ Hope he doesn't see you.

What should you do if you find an angry 500-pound dog in your kitchen?
→ Eat out.

What place of business helps dogs who have lost their tails?
→ A retail store.