Latest

- Boy monster: You've got a face like a million dollars!

- Girl monster: Have I really?

- Boy monster: Yes - it's green and wrinkly!

How did your mom know you hadn't washed your face?
→ I forgot to wet the soap.

- First Witch: I like your toad. He always has such a nice expression on his face.

- Second Witch: It's because he's a hoptimist.

- You can read his mind in his face.

- Yes, it's usually a complete blank.

- Fred: Do you like my new hairstyle?

- Harry: In as much as it covers most of your face, yes.

- Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling ugly faces.

- Doctor: Don't worry, I don't expect anyone will notice.

- Wife to Husband: I'll have you know I've got the face of a teenager!

- Husband to Wife: Then you should give it back, you're wearing it out.

- Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up.

- Harry: Do you think so?

- Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her a joke, five minutes after she's stopped laughing her face is still smiling!

Did you hear about the witch who was so ugly that when a tear rolls down her cheek it takes one look at her face and rolls straight up again?

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Two boys were watching TV when the fabulous face and figure of Pamela Anderson appeared on the screen. "If I ever stop hating girls," said one to the other, "I think I'll stop hating her first."

Why do elephants jump across rivers?
→ So they won't step on the fish.

Why do elephants squirt water through their noses?
→ If they squirted it through their tails, it'd be very difficult to aim.

Why do elephants live in the jungle?
→ Because it's out of the high rent district.

Why don't elephants like martinis?
→ Have you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose?

Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkly?
→ Because if they were small round and white, they would be aspirins.

Why do elephants prefer peanuts to caviar?
→ Because they're easier to get at the ballpark.

What does a bald elephant wear for a toupee?
→ A sheep.

Why did the gum cross the road?
→ Because it was under the elephants foot.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with the abominable snowman?
→ A jumbo yeti.

How does an elephant go up a tree?
→ It stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow.

How do you make an elephant sandwich?
→ First of all, you get a very large loaf...

Reports are coming in of an elephant doing a ton in the highway.
Police ask motorists to drive carefully and to yield right of way.

Is the squirt from an elephants trunk very powerful?
→ Well, a jumbo jet can keep 500 people oin the air for hours at a time!

How do you raise a baby elephant?
→ With a fork lift truck!