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Why doesn't Saddam go out drinking?
→ Why should he when he can get bombed at home?

where does saddam hussein keep his c.d collection?
→ In Iraq (a rack)

What's the fastest way to end an Iraqi bingo game?
→ Call B52

What is Iraq's national bird?
→ Duck.

Why did the Aggie think the weatherman got the sunny forecast wrong?
→ The Aggie drove through a car wash

What do you call a man with a kilt over his head?
→ Scott!

How do we know that Joan of Arc was French?
→ She was maid in France!

What language do they speak in Cuba?
→ Cubic!

Why is Russia a very fast country?
→ Because the people are always Russian!

How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?
→ They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.

Did you hear about the man who was Polishing the flagpole?
→ He varnished into thin air!

How many polaks does it take to kidnap a child?
→ 12. One to kidnap the child and the remaining 11 to write a ransom letter.

How do you get a Polak out of the bath tub?
→ Throw in a bar of soap.

Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?
→ They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there?
→ He's the one with a duck.

What happened to the Polish National Library?
→ Someone stole the book.

What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill?
→ They stop delivering.

What's delaying the Polish space program?
→ Development of a working match.

What's the motto of the Polish Solidarity Union?
→ Every man for himself.

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir. A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well.

What is the difference between Russian Optimist, Pessimist and Realist?
An Optimist learns German.
A Pessimist learns Chinese.
A Realist learns AK-47.

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

- Look at their reserve, their calm - muses the Brit.

- They must be British.

- Nonsense - the Frenchman disagrees.

- They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.

- No clothes, no shelter - the Russian points out.

- they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian.

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

- Come have a look over here - says Paddy

- It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.

- That's nothing - says Sean

- here's one named Patrick O'Toole. It says here that he was 95 when he died.

Just then, Shamus yells out:

- But here's a fella that died when he was 145 years old!

- What was his name? - asks Paddy.

Shamus lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims:

- Miles, from Dublin.

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war.

During one battle, The French captured an English major.

Taking the major to their headquarters, the French general began to question him.

The French general asked:

- Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?

In his bland English way, the major informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why from that day to now, all French Army officers wear brown pants.

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy:

- You're in charge of sweeping.

To the Scotsman, he says:

- You're in charge of shoveling.

And to the Chinese guy:

- You're in charge of supplies.

The foreman then shrugs his beefy shoulders and says:

- Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a good dent in that pile of sand by the time I get back.

A few hours later when the foreman returns, he sees that the pile of sand is still untouched.