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How do you put out a fire?
→ Take away the HEAT , FUEL , OXYGEN , or the CHIEF!

How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead?
→ The remote control slips from his hand.

When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. He explained:

- Pull the pin like a hand grenade, then depress the trigger to release the foam.

Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin. The instructor hinted:

- Like a hand grenade, remember?

In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin -- and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze.

There was a huge fire at a big city soda factory. The city company was losing ground and the owner was frantic. He told the fire department that he needed a secret formula in the safe that was in the center of the blaze, and he would give 10,000 dollars to the department that got the formula. An hour later no ground was gained and a mutual aid call was put out. When 12 departments couldn't subdue the blaze the owner saw this he raised the reward to 100,000 dollars. Suddenly a small town department drove their truck right into the fire and emerged 10 minutes later with the formula. When asked what they would do with the money one said, "Get them damn brakes fixed we figure."

One day a boy was drowning in a near by lake. A firefighter swam out and pulled the boy up onto the beach and began CPR. A crowed watched as the firefighter frantically pumped on the boys chest. With great amazement water was pooring from the boys mouth. Each time the firefighter pumped more water came out.
A short time later seaweed started coming out, then minnows, then more water started coming out of the boys mouth. The firefighter feared this would never stop. Just then, a paramedic arrived and quickly ran over to the firefighter and blurted out:

- Hey Chief! You better get that kids ass out of the water before you pump that lake dry.

What do you get when you cross a Fire Chief two Lotus Notes Gurus?
→ FireWeb .... of course!

If - H 2 O - is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
→ K 9 P

What does CHAOS stand for?
→ The Chiefs Have Arrived On Scene.

Seems the Shah of Iran was visiting Disneyland with his young son. The son seemed to be having a good time but had that look that something else was on his mind. The Shah asked, "What do you really want, Son?" The Son said, "A Mickey Mouse Outfit." With that, the Shaw went out and bought him a uniform from the neighboring Fire Department.

A fire chief died and went to heaven. When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates.
He told himself:

- I'm a fire chief, I'm not going to wait in line.

He went to the angels guarding the gates and said:

- Let me in. I'm a fire chief.

The angels replied:

- You'll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir.

While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said "CHIEF". The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting fire chief was pissed and went to talk to the angels.

He asked:

- Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?

A fireman and policeman died and both went to heaven where they were issued their wings with the warning that if they had even one bad thought their wings would fall off.
Well, everything went well for some time then one day they passed a very attractive and well put together young lady.
As the fireman turned to watch her pass his wings fell off. When he bent over to pick them up the policemans wings fell off.

Did you know that the three wise men were firemen?
→ It says they came from afir (a fire, a far).

here were these 3 Riverside City Firemen who always went bird hunting together and they always rented a hunting dog name Rex from a local farmer. Rex was a great dog and would always hold point and find any birds they shoot. One year they did't go hunting and the farmer rented Rex out to some Corona City Firemen who used him that season. The next year the Riverside guys went to rent Rex from the farmer for hunting but the farmer had bad news for them. He told them Rex was no longer any good for hunting and didn't have a replacement for him and to tell the Corona firemen they were not welcome there any more and that if he saw them he would probably shoot them for what they did to Rex. The…

Three firefighters went out on a hunting trip. There was a rookie, a captain, and a chief.
The weather was misrable and they hadn't seen any deer all day. They came across an old shack where they went inside to play a game of poker.
After loosing a couple of hands, the rookie threw down his cards and said:

- that does it! I am going out to get me a deer.

Fifteen minutes later, the rookie came back with a nice four point buck.
The captain and chief asked:

- how did you get that?

The rookie replied:

- I walked out fifty feet, followed some tracks and shot this buck.

The captain then said:

Why don't Deputy Fire Marshals look out the window in the morning?
→ So they have something to do in the afternoon.

Have you seen the polish mine detector.
→ Put you fingers in your ears and start stamping the ground with your foot.

Only in America do we chain $2.00 ink pens to the counter but leave our $58,000 cars out in the driveway.

What do you call an Inibrian who has been buried for 1000 years?
→ Peat!!!

Have you heard about the new Iraqi Air Force exercise program?
→ Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.

Do you know why Eskimos always do their laundry in tide?
→ Because it's too cold out-tide!

Why do Greek men wear gold neck chains?
→ So they know where to stop shaving.

What did the Eskimo schoolboy say to the Eskimo schoolgirl?
→ What's an ice girl like you doing in a place like this?

What did the Eskimo children sing when their principal was leaving?
→ Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.

Why do Polish names end in "ski"?
→ Because they can't spell tobbagan.

At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies.

One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question:

- Will we have to fight a World War Three?

- Yes, comrades, looks like you will - answers the general.

- And who will be our enemy, Comrade General? - another officer asks.

- The likelihood is that it will be China.

The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks:

- But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. How can we possibly win?

- Well - replies the general - Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity…