A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said, "Only caught one, eh?"
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted:
- Are there any gators around here?!
- Naw, they ain't been around for years! - the man hollered back.
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy:
- How'd you get rid of the gators?
- We didn't do nothin' - the beachcomber said.
- The sharks got 'em.
Where do fish wash?
→ In a river basin!
What fish goes up the river at 100mph?
→ A motor pike!
Which fish can perform operations?
→ Sturgeon!
What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?
→ A beer-a-cuda!
One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, and he decided to return back to his house.
He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife.
- What a terrible weather today, honey. - he said to her.
- Yes. And my idiot went fishing!
What you get when four men go fishing and one comes back not catching anything.
→ Three Men And A Baby
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said:
- My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars.
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said:
- Okay, where's my hundred dollars?
The man said:
- Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said:
- Just my luck. How much do I owe you?
I was glad when one fish got away.
There just wasn't room in the boat for both of us!
What do you call a deaf fishing boat captain?
→ Anything you like, he can't hear you.
Where do fish sleep?
→ In a river bed
How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out?
→ I don't know the answer but I think I'm nearly there.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
→ You can't tuna fish.
Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.
Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.
- I caught a twenty pound salmon last week.
- Were there any witnesses?
- There sure were. If there hadn't been, it would have been forty pounds.
- I didn't see you in church last Sunday, Nigel. I hear you were out playing football instead.
- That's not true, vicar. And I've got the fish to prove it!
I was given the ultimatum 3 weeks ago. She said:
- it's me or your fishing.
Gee I miss her.
Henry's son, David, burst into the house, crying. His mother asked him what the problem was.
- Daddy and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while he was reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away.
- Now come on, David - his mother said.
- a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off.
- But that's just what I did, mommy.
- What's the biggest fish you ever caught?
- That would be the one that measured fourteen inches....
- That's not so big!
- Between the eyes?
A guy rings his boss and says:
- I can't come to work today.
The boss asks why and the guy says:
- it's my eyes.
- What's wrong with your eyes? - asks the boss.
- I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead...
- Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend? - asked Jane's best friend.
- Why shouldn't I? - said Jane.
- Well, maybe he is having an affair?
- No way - said Jane.
- he never returns with any fish...
Where does a fish keep his money?
→ In the River Bank!
A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.
- That's what I like to see - said the priest.
- A man helping his fellow man.
As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other:
- Well, he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing.
There was a salmon fisherman who was out in the ocean fishing when his boat sank. He was lucky enough to make to a deserted island where he had to survive on what he could find.
When the Coastguard eventually found him, the leader noticed there was a fire pit with California Condor feathers all around.
He went over to the fisherman and said:
- You know, it's illegal to kill a California Condor, I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you.
The fisherman protested for some time saying that he killed it because he was going to starve but eventually he calmed down.
- Out of curiosity - the coastguard asked.
- What did it taste like?
The fisherman replied:
