Latest

When fish play football, who is the captain?
→ The team's kipper!

Fishing season hasn't opened and a fisherman who doesn't have a license, is casting for trout as a stranger approaches and asks:

- Any luck?

- Any luck? This is a wonderful spot. I took 10 out of this stream yesterday - he boasts.

- Is that so? By the way, do you know who I am? - asks the stranger.

- Nope.

- Well, meet the new game warden.

- Oh - gulped the fisherman.

- Well, do you know who I am?

- Nope.

- Meet the biggest liar in the state!

What did Noah do while spending time on the ark?
→ Fished, but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms!

What sort of net is useless for catching fish?
→ A football net!

What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy student?
→ One baits his hook, the other hates his book.

Have you seen the new fishing website?
→ No, it's not online yet.

George went fishing, but at the end of the day he had not caught one fish. On the way back to camp, he stopped at a fish store.

- I want to buy three trout - he said to the owner.

- But instead of putting them in a bag, throw them to me.

- Why should I do that? - the owner asked.

- So I can tell everyone that I caught three fish!

- Lee: I just swallowed a fish bone!

- Counselor: Are you choking?

- Lee: No, I'm serious!

How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing?
→ Four. One to cut the hole in the ice, and three to push the boat through.

How many anglers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Four, one to change the light bulb and three to brag about how big the old one was and about the one that they would have changed, but "It got away"

- Fisherman: What are you fishing for sonny?

- Boy: I'm not fishing, I'm drowning worms.

What's the difference between an angler and a dunce?
→ One baits his hooks while the other hates his books.

Tim once took his small cousin with him while he went fishing: When he returned, he was looking very fed up.

- I'll never do that again - he complained to his Dad.

- Did she frighten off the fish? - enquired Dad.

- No - replied Tim.

- She sat on the bank and ate all my maggots.

What kind of musical instrument can you use for fishing?
→ The cast-a-net.

The little kid sat on the side of the road with a fishing line down the drain. Feeling sorry for him, and wanting to humor him, a lady gave him 50 cents, and kindly asked:

- How many have you caught?

- You're the tenth this morning - was the reply.

An old lady saw a little boy with a fishing-rod over his shoulder and a jar of tadpoles in his hand walking through the park one Sunday. "Little boy," she called, "don't you know you shouldn't go fishing on a Sunday?" "I'm not going fishing, ma'am," he called back, "I'm going home."

Retired colonel, talking of the good old days:

- Have you ever hunted bear?

- His grandson's teacher: No, but I've been fishing in shorts.

A man was fishing in the jungle. After a while another angler came to join him. "Have you had any bites?" asked the second man. "Yes, lots," replied the first one, "but they were all mosquitoes."

How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?
→ One, but you should have seen the bulb, it must have been THIS big.

MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O'Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on afternoon, his cousin walked by.

- What are ye doing? - asked O'Bannon.

- Fishin' - said MacAndrews.

- Caught anything?

- Ach, nae a bite,

- What are ye usin' fer bait?

- Worms

- Let me see it - said O'Bannon.

MacAndrews lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin.

O'Bannon took out his flask of potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAndrews, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out.

Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat.

When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly:

- I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War ... Could you help me?

- Of course - the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years.

The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything…

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father:

- How does this boat float?

The father replied:

- Don't rightly know son.

A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked:

- How do fish breath underwater?

Once again the father replied:

- Don't rightly know son.

A little later the boy asked his father:

- Why is the sky blue?

Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when they came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.

At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.

Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other:

- This is the place!.

The other replied:

- No, it's not!.

The first man said:

- Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.

To which the other man replied:

Two Virginia rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says:

- Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?

The other guy says:

- Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!

Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in. Remarked one of the fisherman, "That's the first time I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting."