- I went to see my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking.
- What did he say?
- He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate.
- Did that do any good?
- No - I can't get the chocolate to light.
- Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there's only one. Why?
- Fred: I don't know. It must have been so dark I didn't see the other one.
- Say something soft and sweet to me.
- Dracula: Marshmallows, chocolate fudge cake...
What cheese is made backwards?
→ Edam.
- Fred: I thought there was a choice for lunch today.
- Cook: There is.
- Fred: No, there isn't. There's only cheese pie.
- Cook: You can choose to eat it or leave it.
What musical instrument goes with cheese?
→ Picklelo.
What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese for dinner?
→ Thank you, I'll just have a slither.
What cake wanted to rule the world?
→ Attila the Bun.
- Girl: Did you like that cake, Mrs Jones?
- Mrs Jones: Yes, very much.
- Girl: That's funny. My mom said you didn't have any taste.
- Flo: Try some of my sponge cake.
- Joe: It's a bit tough.
- Flo: That's strange. I only bought the sponge from the chemist this morning.
What's the fastest cake in the world?
→ Meriiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnngue.
My Aunt Maud had so many candles on her last birthday cake that all her party guests got sunburnt!
- Mummy! Mummy! Have you seen my Cabbage Patch Doll?
- Be quiet and finish your coleslaw!
What do you call two rows of cabbages?
→ A dual cabbageway!
- Fred! What did I say I'd do if I found you with your fingers in the butter again?
- That's funny, Mom. I can't remember either.
Fred wrote in her homework book: Margarine is butter made from imitation cows.
- And what's your name? - the secretary asked the next new boy.
- Butter.
- I hope your first name's not Roland - smirked the secretary.
- No, ma'am. It's Brendan.
How do you know that a elephant's been in the fridge?
→ There are foot prints in the butter.
What do cannibals eat for breakfast?
→ Buttered host.
Two flies were on a cornflakes packet.
- Why are we running so fast? - asked one.
- Because - said the second - it says 'tear along the dotted line'!
Two flies were on a cornflakes packet.
- Why are we running so fast? - asked one.
- Because - said the second - it says 'tear along the dotted line'!
What looks just like half a loaf of bread?
→ Its other half.
- Why can't you make bread like my mother?
- I would if you could make dough like your father!
- Have you heard the story about the loaf of bread?
- No.
- Oh, crumbs.
- They say she has a sharp tongue.
- Yes, she can slice bread with it.
