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- Can you make a pig shake?

- Tell him the wolf is coming.

- Can you make a pig cooler?

- Sure, spray him with a hose.

"Waiter!" shouted the furious diner, "How dare you serve me this!
There's a damn TWIG in my soup!"

"My apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the branch manager."

- Sir you haven't touched your custard.

- I'm just waiting for the fly to stop using it as a trampoline!

- Waiter, can you get rid of this fly in my starter!

- I can't do that sir, he's not had his main course yet!

- Waiter, there is a frog in my soup!

- Don't worry sir there isn't enough there to drown him!

- Waiter, there is a dead fly in my soup!

- No its not, it's a piece of dirt that looks like one!

- Waiter, what's this bug doing waltzing around my table!

- It's the band, sir, they are playing his tune!

- Waiter, what is this creepy-crawly doing in my salad?

- Not him again, he's in here every night!

- Waiter, there is a fly in my bean soup!

- Don't worry sir I'll fish him out and exchange it for a bean!

- Waiter, what is this cockroach doing on my ice cream sundae?

- Skiing sir!

- Waiter, I can't eat this meat, it's crawling with maggots!

- Quick, run to the other end of the table and grab it as it goes by!

- Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!

- Hold on sir, I'll get the fly spray!

- Waiter, there is a bee in my alphabet soup!

- Yes sir, and I'm sure there is an A, C and all the other letters too!

- Waiter, there is a mosquito in my soup!

- Don't worry sir, they don't eat much!

- Waiter, are there snails on the menu?

- Yes sir, they must have escaped from the kitchen!

- Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!

- Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them!

- Waiter, my lunch is talking to me!

- Well you did ask for a tongue sandwich!

- Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!

- Yes sir, thats the manager, the last customer was a witch doctor!

- Waiter, there is a fly in my wine!

- Well you did ask for something with a little body in it!

- Waiter, there is a worm on my plate!

- That's not a worm sir, it's your sausage?

- Waiter, there is a spider drowning in my soup!

- It hardly looks deep enough to drown in sir!

- Waiter, there is a maggot in my soup!

- Don't worry sir, he won't last long in there!

- Waiter, there is a cockroach on my steak!

- They don't seem to care what they eat do they sir!

- Waiter, there's a fly in my custard!

- I'll fetch him a spoon sir!