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There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It's called Monday.

A postcard home: The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.

Two Viking invaders are trudging up the beach in the pouring rain. One looks skywards and says, "So this is England. What's it like?" The other snarls, "Well, if you like the weather, you'll love the food."

There was a communist named Rudolph. One day he looked out the window and said, "It looks like a storm is coming." "No it isn't," said his wife. "Besides, how would you know?"
"Because," he responded, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

- I'm sure I'm right.

- You're as right as rain - all wet!

"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Fred looking out of the kitchen window.
"I know," said his mother.
"I've just stepped in a poodle!"

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio.

"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said.

"You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."
Ole said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee.

The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets."

Again Ole replied, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee. Two days later, again they're sitting down with…

What is a tornado?
→ Mother nature doing the twist!

Why do hurricanes travel so fast?
→ Because if they travelled slowly, we'd have to call them slow-i-canes.

Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
→ Because then the children have to play inside.

Who is it that everybody listens to but nobody believes?
→ The weatherman.

If a band plays music in a thunderstorm, who is most likely to get hit by lightning?
→ The conductor.

What kind of umbrella does the Queen of England carry on a rainy day?
→ A wet one.

What person adds best in hot weather?
→ A summer.

Why is it so wet in Great Britain?
→ Because of all the kings and queens that reigned (rained) there.

If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather, what does he raise in wet weather?
→ An umbrella.

What is a Mexican weather report?
→ Chilli today, hot tamale.

What doesn't get any wetter no matter how much it rains?
→ The ocean

If six children and two dogs were under an umbrella, how come none of them got wet?
→ Because it wasn't raining.

A man was driving a black truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. A lady was crossing the street. How did the man see her?
→ It was a bright, sunny day.

A city boy was on his first camping trip.
He was eating his lunch under a tree when an old-timer came along.
'It smells like rain,' he said to the boy.
The city boy replied, 'They said it was lemonade.'

- How did you find the weather at camp?

- It was easy. I just went outside - and there it was!

- Waiter, this coffee tastes like dirt!

- Yes sir, thats because it was only ground this morning.

- Waiter! Waiter! This salad is frozen solid.

- Yes, sir. It's the iceberg lettuce that does it.

- How do you make a pig float?

- Just give him an inner tube.