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What do little trees say on Halloween?
→ Twig or treat.

What do birds give out on Halloween?
→ Tweets.

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes.

She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said:

- what are you supposed to say sweetheart?

The little girl looks up at the woman and says:

- Twick or Tweat!

The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child:

- Go ahead honey say it just one more time.

Once again the little Angel looks up and says:

- Twick or Tweat!

The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into…

A Toledo man was admitted to the city hospital last night with severe burns after dunking for French fries at a Halloween party.

A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet over his head.

- Are you here as a ghost? - asked his friends.

- No - he replied - I'm an unmade bed.

Another boy wore a sheet over his head.

- Are you an unmade bed? - asked his friends.

- No - he replied - I'm an undercover agent.

Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
→ Because so many witches are sweeping the sky.

- Doctor, doctor, I'm so ugly. What can I do about it?

- Hire yourself out for Halloween parties.

Where do ghoulies go to on the day before Halloween party?
→ To the boo-ty parlour.

Why was the boy unhappy to win the prize for the best costume at the Halloween party?
→ Because he just came to pick up his little sister.

What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party?
→ No one moved. They couldn't stir without her.

Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head?
→ He thought he was a gorilla (griller)!

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
→ They have big fingers.

A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing. The gorilla roared:

- Who is the king of the jungle?

- Oh, you are, Master - and the deer replied.

The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The gorilla roared:

- Who is the king of the jungle?

- Oh, you are, Master - and the zebra replied.

The gorilla walked off pleased. Then he came across an elephant:

- Who is the king of the jungle? - he roared.

With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him. The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said:

- Okay, okay, there's no need to get mad just because you don't know the answer.

Why do primates do so well in show biz?
→ Put any Ape in the spotlight - and monkeyshines!

Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money?
→ It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you!

Why do waiters like Gorillas better than flies?
→ Did you ever hear a customer complain:

- Waiter, there's a Gorilla in my soup!

Why do the Gorillas like Jimmy Carter?
→ They don't really know - but they're NUTS about him!

Why do Apes love to go to school in bad neighbourhoods?
→ They like any jungle - even a blackboard jungle!

Why do Apes like tall buildings?
→ They want to climb the heights of the business world!

Why do apes climb to the tops of buildings?
→ The elevator men are on strike!

Why did the Gorilla visit Italy?
→ An advertisement's headline enticed him - See Ape-les and die!

Why did the Gorilla fail English?
→ He had little Ape-titude!

Why did the Gorilla enlist in the ragged continental army?
→ To avoid the draft!

Why did the girl Gorilla, engaged to the invisible man, call off the wedding?
→ Because in the last analysis she just couldn't see it!

Why did the Ape jump off the building?
→ He wanted to show the world the stuff he was made of!