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Why was the man sued by his horse?
→ For palomino-money!

Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing?
→ He was always standing up on the job!

Why was the horse all charged up?
→ It ate some haywire!

How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Twelve. One to change the bulb, and eleven to do the paperwork.

How many cashiers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ "Are you kidding? They won't even change a five dollar bill."

How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Third as many as for a regular bulb.

How many architects does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Just one, but he has to coordinate ten other professionals who are doing this quiet complicated task.

How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Three. One to change it while the other two argue about how old the old one is.

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum:

- I've just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure! - the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied:

- Bring him in. We'll check it out.

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist:

- You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?

- Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'.

Abraham wanted a new suit, so he bought a nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a tailor. The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured Abraham, then told him the cloth was not enough to make a suit.

Abraham was unhappy with this opinion and sought another tailor. This tailor measured Abraham, then measured the cloth, and then smiled and said:

- There is enough cloth to make a pair of trousers, a coat and a vest, please come back in a week to take your suit.

After a week Abraham came to take his new suit, and saw the tailor's son wearing trousers made of the same cloth. Perplexed, he asked:

- Just how could you make a full suit for me and trousers for your son, when the…

A man is hired by the circus to perform a necessary but rather unpleasant task. He is asked to walk behind the elephants in the center ring, shoveling aside their droppings as they walk about. After a rather difficult evening at work, he goes to the circus cafeteria, sits with other workers, and begins complaining about his work:

- It's just terrible work, walking behind those huge beasts and first dodging, then shoveling aside the dung they produce. My arms are tired, my shoes and pants are a mess, and I'll have to shower before I return home, because of the stink.

His friends at work agree:

- Why don't you just quit this miserable job and find something more rewarding to do. You have to have…

A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."

Two women were sitting by the pool, and one asked what kind of water they fill the pool with -- fresh water or sea water? The cruise director answered, "Sea water." "Oh, that explains why it's so rough today."

A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk. "We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!"

Two guys are talking:

- I've bought a tour to my mother-in-law.

- Your mother-in-law???!!!

- Why not, to Bagdad.

Two friends:

- I heard that you have founded a musical band.

- Yes, it is a quartet.

- How many are you?

- We are three.

- Three?

- Me and my brother.

- You have a brother?

- No, why do you ask?

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

- Why are you eating grass? - he asked one man.

- We don't have any money for food. - The poor man replied.

- Oh, come along with me then.

- But sir, I have a wife with two children!

- Bring them along! And you, come with me too! - he said to the other man.

- But sir, I have a wife with six children! - The second man answered.

- Bring them as well!

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says:

Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park.

- Judge: What were you doing?

- 1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond.

- Judge: And what were you doing?

- 2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too.

- Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?

- 3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!

A man has a racehorse, never won a race. Man in disgust says, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning." The starting gate opens, the horses take-off, they move the gate away and there lays his horse asleep on the track. He kicks the horse and asks, "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING. The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning."

Why did the bareback performer ride his horse?
→ Because it got too heavy to carry.

A mean horseman went into a saddler's shop and asked for one spur. "One spur?" asked the saddler. "Surely you mean a pair of spurs, sir?" "No, just one," replied the horseman. "If I can get one side of the horse to go, the other side is bound to come with it!"

What is the slowest racehorse in the world?
→ A clotheshorse!

What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
→ A seahorse!

- You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all.

- Well neither can a fence!

- You said it was a great horse and it is.

- It took twenty other horses to beat him!