Latest

- Personnel Director: What would you do if you broke your arm in two places?

- Vanderkron: I wouldn't go to these places no more!

Did you hear about the dumb father who got up and struck a match to see if he had blown out the candle?

- Loomis: Does your dog have a license?

- Fenton: Hell, no! I do all the drivin'.

- Say, your house is burning.

- That's okay. I got enough lumber in the attic to build a new one.

- Housekeeper: Professor, there's a bill collector at the door. I told him you were out. But he wouldn't believe me.

- Professor: No? Then I suppose I'll have to go and tell him myself.

How many idiots who ask stupid questions does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ Change it to what?

- Fred: Did you hear about the Irish window cleaner who put a sign at the top of his ladder?

- Harry: What did the sign say?

- Fred: Stop.

Did you hear about the stupid water-polo player?
His horse drowned . . .

A man in a swimming pool was on the very top diving board. He poised, lifted his arms, and was about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting:

- Don't dive - there's no water in that pool!

- That's all right - said the man.

- I can't swim!

How do you confuse an idiot?
→ Give him two spades and ask him to take his pick.

- Teacher: That's the stupidest boy in the whole school.

- Mother: That's my son.

- Teacher: Oh! I'm so sorry.

- Mother: You're sorry?

What do you call an alien starship that drips water?
→ A crying saucer.

Did you hear about the idiot who invented the one-piece jigsaw puzzle?

An Irishman saw a notice outside a police station which read: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY.
So he went in and applied for the job!

A stupid man was struggling out of his house with a big table. His neighbor said to him, "Hello, Harry. Where are you going with that then?" And Harry replied, "I'm taking it to the store to have it measured for a new tablecloth."

An idiotic laborer was told by an equally idiotic foreman to dig a hole in the road. "And what shall I do with the earth, sir?" asked the laborer. "Don't be daft, man," he replied. "Just dig another hole and bury it."

My friend is so stupid he thinks that an autograph is a chart showing sales figures for cars.

I don't know what it is that makes you stupid but whatever it is, it works.

Did you hear about the stupid photographer?
He saved burned out lightbulbs for use in his darkroom.

My friend is so stupid that he thinks twice before saying nothing.

A stupid glazier was examining a broken window. He looked at it for a while and then said, "It's worse than I thought. It's broken on both sides."

What do stupid kids do at Halloween?
→ They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins.

Did you hear about the stupid woodworm?
He was found in a brick.

Did you hear about the stupid wizard?
He couldn't remember if he used to be forgetful.

What do you call a stupid skeleton?
→ Bonehead.