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- You're a big internet fan, arn't you?

- Yes, I really get a buzz out of it!

- You're a big Internet fan aren't you?

- Yes - it's becoming a habit!

- Why do you think your report should be on the net?

- Because my marks are all 'E's.

Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?
→ Because they can't stop saving their work.

Where does the Internet football team play?
→ Webley.

What do you call someone who spends 24 hours a day on the Internet?
→ Anything you like, they're not listening to you anyway.

- Teacher: What are the four elements?

- Pupil: Fire, Earth, Water and the Internet.

- Teacher: What do you mean the Internet?

- Pupil: Well, Mum says that whenever I'm on the Net, I'm in my element.

- Teacher: Don't forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions.

- Pupil: It's not the questions I have trouble with, it's the answers.

- So what exactly can I learn on the Internet?

- Anything you like - it can even teach you to talk like an Indian.

- How?

- See? It's working already.

- Since you've discovered the Internet, you don't pay any attention to me!

- Who said that?

- I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like.

- How do you do that?

- I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!

- I see you've got your bill for using the Internet

- Yes, and my dad's really going to get the hump!

- I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I've changed my mind.

- Let's hope your new one works better then the one you had before.

- I hope you're not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn't get any exercise.

- Oh, no, miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either.

- I hear you've been tracing your ancestors on the internet...

- Yes - and it's a mammoth task!

How does the vicar explore the Internet?
→ With the church mouse.

How do you find white shirts on the Internet?
→ Use a starch engine.

- Does your mum like shopping on the Internet?

- No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.

One ant was running across an unopened box of crackers and urging another to speed up.

- But why do we have to hurry? - said one.

- Can you read, you nut! It says, 'Tear along the dotted line'.

How do fireflies lose weight?
→ They burn calories.

What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?
→ "Dead ant, Dead Ant ... Dead ant, Dead Ant .. Dead Ant" (to the tune of Pink Panther theme).

How can you make a moth ball?
→ Hit it with a fly swatter.

A mother moth was telling her baby moth off saying, "If you don't eat all your cotton, you won't get any satin."

Two mosquitoes were buzzing round when they saw a drunken man.
One said to the other:

- You bite him? I'm driving.

What did one mosquito say to another when they came out of the cinema?
→ Fancy a bite?