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Why did the woman take a load of hay to bed?
→ To feed her nightmare.

- Who was the first woman on earth?

- I don't know, Sir.

- Come on, Fred, it has something to do with an apple.

- Granny Smith?

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds?
→ Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
→ Divorced.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
→ Nothing, you told her twice.

Should I have a baby after 35?
→ No, 35 children is enough.

Why haven't Women landed on the Moon?
→ Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable!
No one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment there is silence. everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the…

A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said "You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah.
This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.

"Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads, "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

They start going up and on the first floor the sign reads, "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads, "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this…

A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading "Wife Wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters saying "You can have mine."

Why do men die before their wives?
→ They want to.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%.
→ It's called wedding cake.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months!
→ I don't like to interrupt her.

What kind of witch goes to the beach?
→ Sandwitch

Did you hear about the TV show with FBI agents and witches?
→ It's called The Hex-Files.

Did you hear about the witch who fed her pet vulture on sawdust?
→ The vulture laid ten eggs and when they hatched, nine chicks had wooden legs and the tenth was a woodpecker.

Did you hear about the witch who went in for the lovely legs competition?
→ She was beaten by the microphone stand.

What did the witch say to the ugly toad?
→ I'd put a curse on you - but somebody beat me to it!

What did the young witch say to her mother?
→ Can I have the keys to the broom tonight!

Who went into a witche's den and came out alive?
→ The witch!

Why do witches have stiff joints?
→ They get broomatism!

How do you know when you are in bed with a witch?
→ She has a big "W" embroidered on her pyjamas!