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Why did the monster stop playing with his brother?
→ He got tired of kicking him around.

What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster?
→ Sir.

- Monster: Someone told me Dr Frankenstein invented the safety match.

- Igor: Yes, that was one of his most striking achievements.

What happened when Dr Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
→ He got atomic ache.

- Igor: Only this morning Dr Frankenstein completed another amazing operation. He crossed an ostrich with a centipede.

- Dracula: And what did he get?

- Igor: We don't know - we haven't managed to catch it yet.

- Dr Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It's a new pill consisting of 50 per cent glue and 50 per cent aspirin.

- Igor: But what's it for?

- Dr Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.

What happened to Frankenstein's stupid son?
→ He had so much wax in his ears that he became a permanent contributor to Madame Tussaud's.

What does Frankenstein's monster call a screwdriver?
→ Daddy.

What happened to Frankenstein's monster on the road?
→ He was stopped for speeding, fined $50 and dismantled for six months.

Frankenstein was sitting in his cell when suddenly through the wall came the ghost of his monster, with a rope round his neck. Frankenstein said, "Monster, monster, what are you doing here?"

The monster said, "Well, boss, they hanged me this morning so now I've come to meet my maker."

How did Dr Frankenstein pay the men who built his monster?
→ On a piece rate.

Why did Frankenstein squeeze his girlfriend to death?
→ He had a crush on her.

Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
→ He wanted cold hard cash!

After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news:

"Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979."

"You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly.

"No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."

Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery?
→ He's so happy that he's giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.

What do you call counterfeited German currency?
→ Question marks.

Why was the struggling mange seen shaking the club cat?
→ To see if there was any more money in the kitty!

- Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?

- Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."

A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.

- Ohhh, it's my girlfriend.

- What's the problem?

- When I asked her if she could learn to love me, she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education.

What did the pay phone say when the quarter got stuck inside it?
→ Money's tight these days!

How do thunderstorms invest their money?
→ In a combination of liquid assets and frozen assets

What is the quickest way to double your money?
→ Fold it in half!

Why shouldn't you carry two half dollars in your pocket?
→ Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.

Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?
→ Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.