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Why was the monster standing on his head?
→ He was turning things over in his mind.

Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them?
→ In a handbag.

What did the big, hairy monster do when he lost a hand?
→ He went to the second-hand shop.

Did you hear about the monster who lost all his hair in the war?
→ He lost it in a hair raid.

What makes an ideal present for a monster?
→ Five pairs of gloves one for each hand.

How can you tell if a monster has a glass eye?
→ Because it comes out in conversation

- Boy: Did you know you can get fur from a three headed mountain monster?

- Girl: Really? What kind of fur?

- Boy: As fur away as possible!

What should you call a polite, friendly, kind, good looking monster?
→ A failure.

How do you communicate with the Loch Ness Monster at 20,000 fathoms?
→ Drop him a line.

Where is the monster's temple?
→ On the side of his head.

What do you get if you cross a plum with a man eating monster?
→ A purple people eater.

Why did the monster lie on his back?
→ To trip up low-flying aircraft.

Did you hear about the monster who had twelve arms and no legs?
→ He was all fingers and thumbs.

How do you address a monster?
→ Very politely.

Did you hear the joke about the two monsters who crashed?
→ They fell off a cliff, boom, boom.

- First monster: I have a hunch.

- Second monster: I thought you were a funny shape.

- Little monster: Mom, I've finished. Can I leave the table?

- Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it for your supper.

What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger?
→ The bogeyman.

On which day do monsters eat people?
→ Chewsday.

How did the monster cure his sore throat?
→ He spent all day gargoyling.

What does a monster do when he loses his head?
→ He calls a head hunter.

What do you call a monster with two wooden heads?
→ Edward Woodward.

How do you tell a good monster from a bad one?
→ If it's a good one you will be able to talk about it later!

What does a polite monster say when he meets you for the first time?
→ Pleased to eat you!

What do you call a monster with a wooden head?
→ Edward.