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Why is stupid monster like a jack-o'-lantern?
→ They both have empty heads.

What do young female monsters do at parties?
→ They go around looking for edible bachelors!

- First monster: That pretty girl over there just rolled her eyes at me.

- Second monster: Well you'd better roll them back to her, she might need them.

- 1st Monster: What is that son of yours doing these days?

- 2nd Monster: He's at medical school.

- 1st Monster: Oh, what's he studying?

- 2nd Monster: Nothing, they're studying him!

Why did the monster put the cake in the freezer?
→ Because he had been told to ice it.

What's the difference between a dim monster and a birthday candle?
→ The candle is a thousand times brighter!

What does the hungry monster get after he's eaten too much ice cream?
→ More ice cream!

Could you kill a monster just by throwing eggs at him?
→ Of course - he'd be eggs-terminated.

How do man-eating monsters count to a thousand?
→ On their warts.

The monster spent a fortune on deodorants before he found out that people didn't like him anyway.

What do you call a huge, ugly, slobbering, furry monster with cotton wool in his ears?
→ Anything you like - he can't hear you.

- First Monster: I'm so thirsty my tongue's hanging out.

- Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was your necktie!

What happens if a big hairy monster sits in front of you at the movie theater?
→ You miss most of the film.

What did Frankenstein's monster say when he was struck by lightning?
→ Thanks, I needed that.

What does a monster mom say to her kids at dinnertime?
→ Don't talk with someone in your mouth.

What do you do with a green monster?
→ Put it in the sun until it ripens!

How do you stop a monster digging up your garden?
→ Take his spade away.

What should you do if a monster runs through your front door?
→ Run through the back door.

What's big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has sixteen wheels?
→ A monster on roller-skates.

- Mr Monster: Oi, hurry up with my supper.

- Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I've only got three pairs of hands.

On her annual visit to another planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward and says, "I hope this spaceship doesn't travel faster than sound."

"Why?" replies the cabin steward.

"Because my friend and I want to talk, that's why."

What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume?
→ He was convicted of fragrancy.

Why did the monster take his nose apart?
→ To see what made it run.

Did you hear about the Irish monster who went to night school to learn to read in the dark?

What do you get if you cross a tall green monster with a fountain pen?
→ The Ink-credible Hulk.